as i try to think back into the way back & remember my first fart, i just can't. it is too far in the way back. i'm sure it was pretty early in the game though, likely shortly after birth...and it likely stank...and since i was born with messed up hips, it probably got trapped inside the cast...note to self: ask parents how i pooped as baby with cast...and when i farted as a baby, i bet at least once, my parents thought it was rather hilarious & there was much rejoicing around the apartment. people in their early 20s love farts.
one weekend a few years back i was on a road trip in massachusetts with the girlfriend at the time. at one point, we made a stop at a convenient store/gas station, where i picked up a 27.5g tabasco spiced slim jim (the better measurement is 13"...the "unlucky slim jim"). by less than 6.5" into the stick, i had no choice but to fart or sacrifice my stomach to the demons that dwelt within it. if i remember correctly, we were in a car at the time. she has a really keen sense of smell that one.
same girlfriend, different time...we were home at my parents for xmas playing lego time cruisers with friends & family. if you have ever played lego time cruisers, you know how fun it can be. if you haven't, let's just say that you will accidentally let loose an audible fart of joy at some point during the game & it will be ok. i know i did that xmas season.
#28 - farts.
snack: 27.5g tabasco spiced slim jim
drink: simply lemonade
...so tonight's late night snack with the sox game is the 27.5g tabasco spiced slim jim. the tabasco slim jim is definitely slimier than your average slim jim. it contains both beef & chicken, so i've got those food groups covered. as a kid, i used to always put a slim jim in my lunch. lord knows how i stayed so damn skinny. their website brings you to spicy town. there is a woman named insane kim there. i'm not entirely sure that she can't be clicked on. total slim jim consumed tonight = 8.5".
to contribute to the inducement of an acidic o.d. ulcer, i've picked up a late night bottle of simply lemonade to go with my late night slim jim. i'll say this for lemonade...i never had a lemonade stand, but i did play the computer game.
in conclusion, the only thing funnier than farts? poop. i know at least one female who agrees with me 100%.
ladies, i am currently available.