last night, i was walking back home from picking up a fast food dinner & needed to make a stop & pick up a pint of newcastle for my roommate & to my surprise, after stopping in no less than six bodegas, i still hadn't procured the pint. the six bodegas didn't even have a six-pack of newcastle. if only my roommate liked smirnoff ice, everything would have been fine. judging by the coolers at aforementioned bodegas, people love that smirnoff swill. sure, the roommate had mentioned that i could go with bud as a backup, but based on the love that newcastle & i have for each other, i assumed that at least one bodega would come through & help us all avoid the bud.
nobody came through for me...not even stop #7, the midway between a bodega & a supermarket locale with the somewhat-diverse beer selection...my last option...so i formulated a quicklike alternative...
#15 - i've been a bad, bad man.
snack: kettle brand island jerk krinkle cut chips
drink: guinness draught in a bottle
seconds earlier, i had been scoping the chip area for snack yumminess on my way past to the beer coolers & the words "island jerk" had popped out at me. when i arrived at the beer coolers & realized that there was no newcastle to be found on that stretch of 4th avenue leading to my apartment, i called the roommate, requested that he split a six-pack of guinness with me & developed this concept for a blog entry...follow my convolution...
island jerk...brooklyn is the west coast of an island...i live in brooklyn...i like guinness...guinness is an irish beer...i'm a good % irish...when irish people find themselves in a stereotypical situation with too much guinness, they can be jerks...me...island jerk.
concept: a blog spawned by the duo of kettle brand island jerk krinkle cut chips & guinness draught in a bottle, detailing three of my jerkier yet still blog-safe moments...friggin' brilliant, right?
#1: the fights of pre-high school - growing up, in terms of popularity pecking order, i was in some sort of in-between world, where i wasn't a cool kid but i wasn't a nerdoid. as a result of this ambiguous social status, i took it upon myself thrice during the 1st-8th grade period to start fights with the kids who a few of us thought were the least cool kids in our group of friends that week. this was some sort of attempt to oust the least cool person from our group, thereby upping the overall group coolness. the stupidity of my thinking is obvious now & anyhow, it never worked & i got body slammed once. sorry eric bonde, rich rittenhouse & bill gadoury.
#2: remember when there was no interweb? - near the end of my sophomore year at b.u., when i was pledging chi phi, i met a girl who was pledging a fellow sorority. we hung out a bunch for the last few months of that school year & i thought she was a cool girl & when the summer came, i went back to nh & she headed down to alabama. before leaving, she wrote her phone number on a piece of paper for me & we said goodbye for the summer. a few days later, i was back home & looking to call her & could not find the piece of paper anywhere, a fatal flaw, as i didn't exactly do the email yet (yeah, 1995) & found myself with no way to get in touch with her, effectively killing what relationship we had. thanks a lot, non-prevalent interweb. sorry ada.
#3: mind your own damn business - after college, when i had returned to boston after a brief ft lauderdale stint, i was dating ms mj & we were with melissa shaw & an unknown third person. i've always looked quite young & as a group, i suppose we looked quite young. we were standing in coolidge corner waiting for the c line to take us back to my brighton apartment & i was smoking a cigarette. a woman of about 60 walked near us, looked at me & said "put that cigarette out." i looked at her & said "excuse me?" she came back with "you're too young to be smoking, put out that cigarette." i was 24 years old & told her so. her response..."you are not. you're sweet sixteen never been kissed." i've always been a bit insecure about being called a liar & about being talked down to because of my apparent youth...so i told her straight up to mind her own damn business. sorry nosy old lady...sorry that you were such a nosy old lady. i may have been a jerk, but you were probably miserable.
in conclusion, try the island jerk chips...even if you live on a peninsula.
