monday marked the octennial anniversary of a grand day in our great nation's history, that historic day back in 2001 when the crucial USA PATRIOT act was signed into federal law by the best 43rd president we ever had, GWB. since that stupendous day, this terrorist-preventing bill has remained strong. i mean, has there been a horrific terrorist attack in the good ol u.s.a. since 9/11? not that i can recall, so today, we're going to celebrate the two day-old anniversary of that momentous bill signing with a grandiloquent display of out of sight adjectives. it's going to be scrumtrulescent!
...so the amazingly heroic USA PATRIOT act. thank almighty god that our gracious government came up with it. it's always working hard to keep us hard-working u.s. citizens safe with a solid, balanced diet of law enforcement enhancements, terrorist-thwarting legislation & unprecedented data collection, with some occasional messy fingerprinting mixed in. a little-known fact about the glorious PATRIOT act: there's a special section in there where if you make tasteless light of the infallible bill on your radical left-wing blog, you'll be whisked off to the southeastern edge of a tropical communist island within twenty-four hours. true story.
hold on a cotton-pickin' second. i just remembered something. in michael moore's award-winning documentary farenheit 9/11, there's an eye-opening scene where the crafty filmmaker is in washington d.c. & he catches a couple of u.s. senators basically saying "we don't actually read the bills. that would take too long." i sort of wish they would have at least read the freedom-altering bill instead of rushing it through in a knee-jerk bluster, especially since it gives our curious government & inquisitive law enforcement officials some pretty awesome powers.
you know what? now that michael moore has made a totally bold statement & in the process, made me think about it, the controversial USA PATRIOT ACT is pretty much the most injudicious piece of governmental legislation that the unrepentant bush administration gave us. a whole bunch of orwellian provisions in this satanic bill are set to expire on december 31st of this quickly-fading year, but i have scant faith in anything changing. i mean, we can't get rid of the PATRIOT ACT, right? if we did, crafty terrorists, determined to undermine our precious freedoms, would instantly begin flooding our preeminent cities with muslim bombs. if we were to let the shining sun set on those wide-sweeping provisions, well that'd just be plain unpatriotic. it'd be a downright flag-hating act.
#135 - abstruse adjectives.
snack: zesty tomato terra chips
drink: arizona mucho mango
when searching for an ambrosial snack worthy of PATRIOT act day, i was looking for something with a tantalizing name, something that made me want to go on an intrusive "sneek & peek" or tap into an innocent person's mobile phone. i found that pined-for snack in zesty tomato terra chips. these tasty treats aren't your everyday chips. they're exotic vegetable chips made from taro, ruby taro, sweet potato, yuca, batata & parsnip. it's a very healthy, chromatic mix of chipified veggies seasoned with tomato, worcestershire & celery. basically, you could toss some vinegary horseradish & a few hefty shots of top-shelf vodka in with the zestily-spiced chips, swirl everything around & you'd have yourself a fernand petoit-approved bloody mary.
my absolute favorite of the vivid vegetables is the ruby taro. it's mellifluous & flavorful & the chip version of the festive ruby taro drove my middle-aged mouth wild with repressed excitement. for a while, i singled a privileged bunch of them out from the sorry rest of the plebian chips because they were clearly too good to be in the lowly company of those other inferior vegetables. that's not to say that i didn't enjoy the other ones. since i got 15% MORE CHIPS FREE in the bag & they have NO TRANS FAT, i eventually went to the proverbial town on all the chips equally...just because i could. i'm loco like that.
i felt that it was muy importante that i found a refreshing beverage that reminded me of the refreshing USA PATRIOT act. the arizona mucho mango definitely fits that bill. it's named for the state where both aging senators love the PATRIOT act & it's MUCHO & made with 5% juice. wait. that doesn't sound like MUCHO mango. hmm. if you visit the arizona beverage website, you'll come across a totally hip music player featuring rocking, cutting-edge musical acts like this blue holiday, laser blade & a rag-tag bunch of other no-name bands. while you're there, you should head over to the smoove AZ lounge. it's like a graffiti wonderland! you should check it out if you want to be boss.
the mucho mango is mucho sweet, basically because the second ingredient after filtered water is high fructose corn syrup. i guess there wasn't enough mango puree or pear juice to make it taste sweet, so the inventive folks at arizona decided to go all the way. on a serious note, i had to take a brief break part way through drinking it. i felt like my train-wreck teeth were buzzing from the herculean amount of HFCS. it could just be a microscopic listening device implanted in my unsuspecting incisor by the nefarious government while i slept, but i want to be an unwaveringly-true patriot, so i'm just going to grin & bear it, like i did with the sacchariferous arizona mucho mango.