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06.11.09 - kfsm (ft smith/fayetteville, ar) - by pop culture package

...so it turns out that there are actually satiric & slightly cynical, funny people in the ft smith/fayettevile, arkansas area. i know! i was shocked too when i first found out, but it's totally true...& they're penning pieces for the local cbs affiliate, spitting the wit for their razorback brethren. the target of their satire? the food industry. i could say something fish in a barrel-related, but i won't.

the food industry would like to "thank (us) for purchasing (their) food-like snack," which comes complete with "only the most processed ingredients full of sodium, high-fructose corn syrup and additives." mmm. apparently, these food-like snacks also "may contain broken-off pieces of the equipment (they're) made with." i hope their processing equipment is made out of gummy worms...preferably the green kind! gummy-worms go really well with food-like snacks. they go "less well or not at all with food-like snacks not produced by (the company that makes the food-like snacks)."

these days, companies are really trying to do their part to be involved in their communities. if you buy the aforementioned food-like snacks, "five percent of the profits from this food-like snack (will) go to the north korean nuclear program." asians are so good at science! the best part about the food-like snacks is that they've been made "by machines that are untouched by human hands," meaning that when you eat them, "you are the first human being to gaze upon your food-like snack."  that sounds extremely exclusive & if there's one thing i enjoy, it's exclusivity.  thank you for purchasing your product?  no, food industry...thank you.