obese apes trim as snacks dry up (link)
07.01.09 - the japan times

haven't you always wanted a monkey? who hasn't? i know i sure have. on top of being genetically related to us (except in kansas), they're often bouncy & playful & fun & feisty all at the same time. homer got one in an episode of the simpsons & that worked out splendidly.  it doesn't always turn out that way though. as this funny or die clip (featuring the waitress from it's always sunny...) shows, you need to make sure you get the right kind of monkey. if you don't, the results can be disastrous, but if you do, you can dress him up in cute lil outfits & he'll be your bestest pal & he'll hang from your back waving/swiping at passers-by as you stroll about town. not just any monkey will do though. you need to get the right kind & unlike a fish or cat, you actually need to take care of your monkey.

in japan, they take care of their monkeys...or at least they do now. according to the japan times, the rhesus monkeys at ohama park (in osaka prefecture) were getting a little too big for their britches...or they would have been, if they had thought to dress them up in cute lil outfits. two years ago, "more than 30 percent of the troupe of about 50 monkeys were considered obese and weighed more than 10 kg (22 lbs)," which is a few kg too many for your average rhesus monkey. the heaviest one got up to 30kg (66 lbs). the culprit? snacks thrown to them by visitors.

to combat the monkeys' excessive snacking & "keep the monkeys away from the tempting snacks," park officials put them on a diet & set up "a new pen with metal screens that make it impossible for visitors to feed them." this helped the monkeys slim down to a more normal weight & the super fatty one even got down to "17 kg, although his skin is now wrinkly and sags." poor saggy-bellied monkey.  sounds like he needs to find himself a good plastic surgeon post haste!