new mexico state introduces snack attack offense (link)
08.17.09 - fanhouse - by clay travis

there's no two ways about it. you have to feel bad for new mexico state football program. this decade, they've stumbled to a record of 34-73, with only one winning season (in 2002). they've had four winning seasons in the last forty years, haven't won a conference championship since the carter administration & haven't made a bowl appearance since the johnson administration, the longest such drought in division one college football. with a history like that, they're pretty much destined to play second fiddle to the university of new mexico. they're not even the most famous aggies in college football. that distinction belongs to texas a&m. you'd think that being in the land of enchantment would be good for something, but nope...& it gets worse.

as fanhouse's clay travis explains, the football program is currently struggling with a $1.5 million budget gap. as part of their efforts to close the gap, they recently sent an email out to fans asking them to donate snacks to the football team. folks have already donated peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, watermelons, and trail mix to help the cause, but in the words of travis, "they've made the program look ridiculous." well, yeah. i hope they have other ideas for fixing the budget, because $1.5 million is a lot of snacks. luckily, travis has a ten hilarious suggestions for how to close the gap.

the team could start with corporations. they could bring back their old "pistol pete" mascot & get the NRA or a gun manufacturer to sponsor him. they could change the fight song lyrics from "we'll buy a keg of booze" to "we'll buy a keg of <insert beer sponsor name here>." they could get rid of the "aggies" nickname & sell the naming rights to a corporation, because quite frankly, "aggies" is pretty lame, especially compared to UNM's "lobo" mascot. my favorite suggestion is to "bring back nazi POWs and have them work on farms growing snacks for the football team." apparently las cruces (home to new mexico state) "put nazi POWs to work on farms during world war II." travis wonders "why did they ever allow these people to leave?" i'm pretty sure a lot of those dudes are dead by now, but let's be honest...they're probably more alive than the new mexico state football program.