a tiny pie on every table.

let it be known: this pumpktoberfest was the most difficult one in recent memory. it wasn't just me. it's been difficult for all of us, a time akin to the life that tiny tim lived in cartoons, one where the sunday holiday dinner featured a tiny ass turkey on a large silver platter. we don't need to get into it right now, but it's all OBVIOUSLY all obama's fault. SOCIALISM! in trying times like these, it's important to appreciate the little that we have & live in the moment, enjoying every bit of what little we get for what it is. THESE ARE INSPIRATIONAL WORDS TO LIVE BY, PEOPLE.

take table talk pies. for almost a hundred years now, the worcester, ma-based company has been dispensing 4" & 8" pies to the good citizens of the u.s. & in doing so, they've ensured that, for under a dollar (for the 4" one), people can appreciate a few minutes with a relatively-edible mass-produced pie. for the pumpktoberfest season, they roll out their pumpkin pie & while i don't LOVE pumpkin pie, i couldn't resist the lure of a tiny, bodega-purchased one.

upon performing an autopsy, i discovered that, despite the large air pocket at the top of the pie, it has your typical semi-gelatinous pumpkin pie filling. like your typical pumpkin pie, that filling is tasty but bordering on weird. i'm specifically speaking of the consistency. for a tiny, mass-produced pie, the filling's actually pretty good, with the requisite combo of pumpkin & everyday pumpkin pie spices. for under a dollar, you can't do much better.

i mean, the crust was pretty friggin dry, but that's often the case when it comes to pies, so i was sort of expecting that. my favorite part? this tiny pumpkin pie provided me with almost HALF of my RDA of saturated fat. it's impressive & with that in mind, i'd suggest that you go to your local bodega & buy a shitload of the table talk pumpkin pies. times is ruff & we're seeing mad max-stylee gas crises & the apocalypse is less than two months away, so you're going to need all the saturated fat you can get if you want to survive. in the post-apocalypse landscape, table talk pumpkin pies might just be the new currency.