#39 - it's a crazy cracker world.

as i sat down to write this blog entry, i went in not knowing exactly what i was going to write about. all i knew was that i had me a big glass of iced tea by my side & some hummus & crackers in the kitchen awaiting my consumption. to get warmed up, i decided to do a little research on my crackers, whose box was all the way over in the kitchen & whose exact name escaped me at that moment...so i searched for what i knew--"triscuit parmesan nabisco.com." about halfway down the list of searches, i came across the words "kraft - the tale of the magical crackers." as one who grew up in new hampshire, i couldn't help but be curious about magical crackers. i clicked through...& sidetrack! on the other end, i found a cracker wonderland mini-site, complete with:

the tale of the magical crackers
this is main attraction on the site. a guy named lester has brought you & a family of four to his attic to watch his magical cracker movie. once the internet catches up & the movie starts, it's all soothing narrator telling the magical story of one holiday season in cracker town. it starts with a knock on the door & on the other side, there's a giant ritz & his buddies giant wheat thin & giant triscuit! when i first saw these monstrous crackers, i was all "holy crap! those crackers are monstrous." then the soothing voice used the word "ginormous" to describe them & i stood corrected. these three ginormous crackers stay through the winter, magically regenerating over & over again, feeding the family when the dog pulls the turkey onto the floor at dinner & helping santa haul his ass up the roof on christmas eve when he's too tired to do it his damn self. at the end of the film, it is revealed that in a past year, a giant block of cheese showed up in town & then it is revealed that the narrator is actually the dog, the same dog who pulled the turkey onto the floor. i love surprise endings!

you can download this film onto your ipod!

snowball showdown
to play snowball showdown, you first create a character.

my character is a young black boy named "kickass kid." the backstory i created for him is that he is an outcast in the land of magical crackers. as you can sort of tell from the below image, others throw snowballs at him & attempt to destroy his giant cracker. assessment: life is not fun for the kickass kid of magical cracker town.

uncle lou's tale-o-matic
uncle lou likes to hang out in the shed, where he's created a very elaborate machine that spits out a lame mad lib that is nothing more than a written version of the "tale of the magical crackers" film. it appears that you should wear yellow gloves when operating the machine, probably because direct contact with it can result in terminal lameness. the only thing i like about uncle lou's creation is how it flags inappropriate words & makes you change them. it flagged the word "basement," but "attic" is completely acceptable...obviously.

seriously, nabisco. who approved the creation of this mini-site? carol from the steno pool?

#39 - it's a crazy cracker world.
snack: triscuit parmesan garlic thin crisps with athenos roasted red pepper hummus
drink: 4c red tea antioxidant/peach

these triscuit parmesan garlic thin crisps are pretty good. they're definitely better than regular triscuits, which are really only good if you top them with lots of cheese & dips & junk. these ones actually have flavor on their own. it's subtle, which makes sense, because if triscuits are anything, they're subtle...the hint of parmesan makes me wonder why all triscuits don't at least have some flavor.

regardless of their acceptable flavor level, i'm still dipping them in athenos roasted red pepper hummus. this stuff comes with chunks of red pepper & parsley bits sprinkled on the the surface, which looks quite fancy & makes you think that you might be eating something other than your average, everyday hummus...but you're not, really.

the 4c red tea is the final 4c iced tea flavor i've experienced & it is way too friggin' sweet, especially if you follow their recommended water/drink mix ratio. i mean, it's pretty good overall, but i really wish it wasn't so darn sweet. it's overwhelming & with every drink i take, i get an image of me brushing my teeth in my head. that can't be good.

Comments

[Jonesalicious]

Yeah, that iced tea flavor was crap. Though, as I mentioned before, it might make an interesting mixer.