nosh nook #200 - friday, december 18, 2009

snack bar sells gold-covered schnitzel for €150 (link)
12.17.09 - the local

hey schnitzel truck! yeah, i'm talking to you. i've never eaten your schnitzel, but i've been hearing a lot about you ever since you started dispensing schnitzel to the good people of nyc back in july. from what i note from your twitter feed, you camp out in dumbo on fridays. too bad i don't work there any more & you don't tend to be all that close to where i work these days or i'd have checked you out by now. i like cutlets. i like the kraut & the brat. schwarzenegger & hitler have sort of turned me off from austrians, but from what i've read, you're much cooler than those two, since you're all about the yummy, truck-dispensed food & not about the misguided governance or psycho nationalization. people tend to like you.

still, you probably need to step up your game unless you want to be shown up by the germans. the local, a german newspaper, reports that the berger straße restaurant in düsseldorf sells the "golden kaiser schnitzel," "a veal filet coated with gold leaf and truffles." unnecessary gold adornment! just like goldschlager! totally classy. other than its german origins, it's the sort of golden dish that glenn beck [PUNCH] could get behind, maybe even film a set of sincere commercials for whilst wearing his pathetic christmas sweater. that's where our future is, my fellow americans. it lies in the four G's: god, gold, guns & gilded schnitzel.

...so the schnitzel goes for €150 & is "swathed in 24-carat gold," but what makes it so expensive is the truffles. truffle prices are no joke, son. the ones used in the golden kaiser go for €5,000 per kilo. that's over seven G's! it's like you can buy a kilo of truffles or feed ten guatemalan families for a year. you couldn't pay a-rod to take one swing or field a ground ball though. despite its outlandish decadence, since adding the dish to the menu three years ago, they've sold about 100 of them. now they're starting to promote the gold-covered schnitzel, so hopefully it'll take off. i'd suggest going international, taking out an ad in time out abu dahbi. i hear those abu-dahbi fat cats love eating gold.