#63 - dushk as you're told.

...so i watched me some josh whedon's dollhouse the other night. i haven't really seen much of his other shows, so i figured i'd give this one a shot. first thing's first...the show's star...mmm eliza dushku (pronounced "douche-coup") mmm. hotties rule! how have i never noticed her existence? it looks like i need to brush up on my maxim magazine. and she's from watertown, mass! graduated from watertown high! i lived there for five months! hottie!

here's the thing though. as a university-educated white male with a snooty film degree and a non-snooty rural middle-class upbringing and a snooty bookshelf that includes such feminist literature as cunt, the second sex and they call me mad dog! and limited knowledge of josh whedon's feminist mores & lesbian subtexts, i'm supposed to be wicked offended about the premise behind this show, right?

the premise: there's this company. people ("dolls") voluntarily come to them & agree to have their personalities wiped clean for a period of five years. during these five years, the dolls are imprinted with new personalities, go on "engagements" with clients and then have their memories wiped at the end of each engagement. in between engagements, they live at this facility ("the dollhouse"). kinda sorta like prostitution, right? a female lead with no free will?

turns out that josh whedon actually ran the show by the gals at equality now (who work heavily against human trafficking), so it's all good in the hood. plus, he sounded pretty sincere about his intentions in a recent interview on fresh air when discussing the show's premise. plus, the totally gnarly lead scientist dude (fran kranz) says early in the episode, "we gave two people the perfect weekend together. we're great humanitarians." plus eliza dushku is a hottie boombalottie. yes, that is the correct spelling.

the first episode was pretty good. within the first six minutes, echo (eliza) is seen racing motorcycles with some dude through the streets & eventually they drive straight into a hall, to his birthday party & then seconds later, she's dancing with him, wearing a dress that hangs at what is basically the curves at the bottom of her butt. the concept of the show's interesting enough too. anyway, it's good enough that i'll watch it again next week.

#63 - dushk as you're told.
snack: archer farms salt & pepper cashews
drink: archer farms blueberry black tea

since i have no free will myself these days, when i'm looking for a snack, 83% of the time, i find myself at target, plunking one after another of their target-brand archer farms products into my lil red basket like a good little target target customer. i ate about a quarter of an 11.5 oz jar of archer farms salt & pepper cashews while watching dollhouse. i mean, cashews are good, but cashews covered in both salt & pepper are at least ten-fifteen times whatever good is. good for shoveling. mouth shoveling. it's a simple flavor genius that i've enjoyed ever since the days when i first moved to nyc & first laid eyes on a bag of utz salt & pepper chips, during the pre-9/11 era. i can never forget that moment.

the label provides me with a wealth of juicy info:

#1 - these cashews are multicultural, as they're a product of india, brazil, vietnam & indonesia. that means that these cashews have been to twice as many countries as me. nuts. i should get out more...& eat locally more. i don't even want to know what the carbon footprint is on deez nutz.

#2 - they are made up of four ingredients--cashews, salt, black pepper, modified food starch (corn). wtf target! i know you're all "shelf life shelf life shelf life," but i've been in your brooklyn location & unless your employees are lame at restocking which i couldn't IMAGINE FOR ONE SECOND that they'd be, stuff flies off the shelf. so shelf life's not a problem. please. can i eat one thing that doesn't have friggin corn in it?

#3 - the label offers up a "100% satisfaction guaranteed" guarantee...followed by the phrase "and they said you can't guarantee happiness." i bet the woman sitting alone in her apartment right now bawling as she shovels cashew after cashew into her mouth whilst watching tivoed episodes of extreme home makeover & picking cat hair off the sofa agrees with you 100% about that happiness thing.

speaking of what isn't good, there's archer farms blueberry black tea. ever since every beverage company & their mother started bottling teas, everyone thinks they can just whip up a good tea & call it a day. for starters, the name's got "black & blue" in it. for finishers, the tea tastes as bland as an ang lee film. boom. roasted. sorry target. i refuse to be an empty vessel for your crappy tea. i'll take your corn-laced cashews though.

Comments

[Jonesalicious]

You don't know who Eliza Dushku is because you never watched Buffy, one of the greatest shows ever. EVER.

Punk.