#71 - the ring.

damn! double damn! south park is old! i used to be a huge fan of it, watched it all the time, even had an oversized cartman key chain hanging off my backpack at one point...then i got on with my life. i haven't watched it in forever, but this wednesday night was the lucky 13th season premiere, so i decided to check back on thursday night & see what's going on in the world of south park, co.

this week's episode begins with the boys in the lunch room, staring at kenny (not dead) sitting with his new fifth-grade girlfriend, tammy, the only girl in school poorer than him. the rumor is that she gave some boy a bj in the t.g.i.fridays parking lot. when the boys break it to kenny, he cheers & runs down the hallway to confront tammy. she confesses that the rumor is true, but only happened because she saw the jonas brothers (jo bros) on the disney channel & got all tingly...cut to kenny buying two tickets to the upcoming jo bros concert at denver's pepsi center.

the boys are disgusted at kenny's plan. cartman warns him that, "statistically speaking, the most bacteria-ridden place on the planet is the mouth of an american woman." so true. kenny & tammy go to the jo bros concert & there are tons of little girls freaking out to lyrics like "i'm ready to get it on, but there's no getting it on til i'm ready." after the show, tammy gets asked backstage with a group of girls & security gives kenny the boot. the end result...the jo bros get the girls (& kenny, by default) to wear purity rings ("the hip new way to roll").

it's a trying time for kenny & the guys see how lame he's becoming as he starts hanging out with other purity ring couples. he even starts watching greys anatomy.

at the same time, the jo bros are getting fed up with the purity rings getting in the way of their "music." after shooting a video, they storm off the set & are eventually confronted by the boss...mickey mouse.

mickey is pissed. the purity rings are important, because it's the only way disney can sell sex to little girls. when joe jonas tries to keep pushing the purity ring issue, mickey kicks him in the junk & beats him to the ground. later on, the jo bros are on "good morning denver," promoting their next show, at red rocks, where they will be "dousing girls with white foam." the boys show up & cartman interrupts the jo bros, until the boys are all shot by blowgun darts from mickey, paranoid that dreamworks & michael eisner are trying to ruin everything.

the boys wake up backstage & after mickey loses it, he accidentally announces, to the horror of the crowd, his plan for selling sex to little girls, whilst calling christians "retarded." when people disapprove, the whole promise ring scam collapses & mickey grows into a fire-breathing, float-sized giant who terrorizes the city.

in the end, kenny & tammy decide not to wear the purity rings...& kenny gets syphillis & dies for the first time since season 11, proving that sex is obviously wrong.

#71 - the ring.

snack: chocolove cherries & almonds in dark chocolate
drink: avery brewing co karma ale

since i was worried about offending south park creators trey parker & matt stone & subsequently having my junk booted or city terrorized because i didn't have a proper theme, i specifically decided to have a snack & drink both from colorado tonight. a colorado beer was easy enough to find, but i probably freaked out a few store owners as i flipped over snack package after snack package in an attempt to identify the manufacturer's home state, eventually, i found the chocolove cherries & almonds in dark chocolate bar, made by a company in boulder.

i really enjoyed the taste of the cherry chocolove bar, even though the cherry taste wasn't very prominent. the dark chocolate was tasty enough & the almonds & slight cherry tastes here & there (rather than having big cherry chunks in the bar) made for some tasty chocolate consumption. plus, their wrappers contain verses from love poems. the one i got was from i love thee, by eliza acton (a poet & cook from the 1800s):

i love thee, as i love the calm
of sweet, star-lighted hours!
i love thee, as i love the balm
of early jes'mine flowers

...what a lovely, heartfelt chocolate bar.

to keep the colorado love going, i had an avery brewing co karma ale along with my chocolate & south park viewing. it's also made by a company out of boulder. to be honest, there isn't really anything special about this ale other than its implied ability to dispense karma. i'm even skeptical of that though, since we all know that karma must be inherited through our own actions.

let's end with a quick discussion about karma. for starters, we know that the instant kind is gonna getchoo. it'll knock you right on the head. we also know that if you talk in maths or have a hitler hairdo, thom yorke will suggest that the karma police come arrest you. a little known fact...musical superjoke the black eyed peas were once a pretty good group & once believed in karma, way back in the late 90s...then they let fergie into the group, pretty much guaranteeing a lifetime of negative karma for those fools..."ain't no running from karma"...sho nuf, will.i.am.