#172 - real talk.

maybe instead of constantly bashing jay leno & his insufferable chin, i should thank him for what he's done for late night TV--driven conan o'brien to TBS. after nine months away from late night, last night conan returned with andy richter once again at his side & the max weinberg seven swapped out for jimmy vivino & the basic cable band. the premiere took the top rating amongst late night shows, slightly beating out the tonight show with jay leno & i was one of the many who tuned in. as a service to you who may have missed the premiere, imma gonna break down what went down for you. of course, due to the wonders of technology, you can already watch the episode online, but wouldn't you much rather read my ramblings about it? after all, a thousand words is worth a bunch of pictures or something. i've got way more than a thousand words here.

the show opened with a "last season on conan" montage. after leaving the tonight show, conan was gunned down by NBC hitmen & hit rock bottom. he found himself at home, a broken man whose wife was imploring him to get a new job so they could support their fourteen kids. he gave the working world another shot, interviewing with don draper, landing a job at burger king & trying to be a birthday party clown. nothing worked out though & just when he was about to give up & jump off a bridge, an angel-winged larry king talked him down off the ledge by suggesting that he try basic cable. soon after, he ends up making a deal with TBS & the rest is history.

conan came out & ran through a slightly stale monologue where he revealed that he called the new show "conan" because it made him harder to replace & that the show was already #1 with TBS' key demographic, people who can't afford HBO. after the monologue, he returned to his desk, where he showed off the new set behind him, which features a remote controlled moon that has a "realistic lunar wobble." then he & andy both tried on a halloween mask conan came across that looks like him & for legal reasons was named "ex-talk show host." as andy noted, it's authentic, as it "smells like tears." they then showed a pre-taped clip with ricky gervais where he wished conan well with the new show & then recorded a few extra messages for all the future times when conan gets cancelled. when he was done, they brought out arlene wagner, the curator of the nutcracker museum & the winner of their "rigged first guest contest."

from there, it was time for conan's actual first guest. did i mention that i sorta loathe seth rogen? no? well he was the first actual guest & if he was a jacket, he'd be made out of loather. he was there to act annoying & sort of plug the green hornet, which he co-wrote & stars in. it comes out in january & i'd like to hope that it will fail miserably & remove him from the public spotlight for a while, but it's directed by michel gondry, so there's a good chance that it'll be good. rogen came on & told the story of how he proposed to his wife, who at the time was in the closet changing & had her boobs hanging out. conan followed that up by asking rogen about prop 19 failing at the cali polls. rogen responded with a lame tale about how easy it is to get a medical marijuana card in cali. pfft. he got one for having an ailment called "i ain't got no weed on me right now." awkward manchild actions? stupid weed story? shtick shtick shtick? yawn yawn yawn.

conan's next guest was glee's lea michele, who chatted about her parents discouraging her from singing as a child, the GQ magazine controversy with her & the cast of glee, and a recent incident where a truck overturned on a highway & spilled copies of last month's glamour magazine, which had her on the cover, all over the road. HIGHLY engaging. throughout the entire show, conan seemed rusty, often returning to the subject of being cancelled from NBC in his jokes & not seeming as upbeat as i remember him being.

after a few commercials for bezzerwizzer (a mattel board game that's TOTALLY hip...buy it, conan fans), conan & jack white (who looked like a goateed sailor) covered eddie cochran's "twenty flight rock." they did so complete with a horn section, guitar solos from jack white & jimmy vivino, and conan playing rhythm guitar & adding a few yelps & vocals on one verse. it ended up being the first time during the whole show when conan actually seemed to be letting loose & having fun. it was good to see him back. after the performance, conan did a brief interview with jack white to close the show & bid the audience "good night." then the george lopez show came on. he came out dancing to "tequila" & began his monologue with a joke about how conan o'brien is a great opening act. i quickly changed the channel.

snack: ben & jerry's stephen colbert's americone dream ice cream
drink: 21st amendment fireside chat ale

recently, i've been working up quite the lil' ice cream habit & last night was no exception, as during conan i was totally jonesin' for a bowl. luckily, i'd grabbed a pint of ben & jerry's stephen colbert's americone dream ice cream at the corner store the previous evening, so i was able to easily fulfill my craving. it's the only ice cream on the market that's endorsed by a late night host, so i found it rather fitting for the occasion. back in 2007, ben & jerry's decided to put their liberal, hippie ways aside & reach across the aisle to work with colbert, the nation's leading faux-conservative talk show host. the result was americone dream, a patriotic ice cream that offers the promise of the american dream. proceeds from its sales go to stephen colbert-approved charities, so like with many of ben & jerry's ice creams, by eating it you're helping people & stuff.

in true american style, it's a solid ice cream but one that's not too hippie crazy. it's made with good ol' standby vanilla ice cream with fudge covered waffle cone pieces & a caramel swirl mixed in. the ice cream itself is nothing special. it's sweet & fluffy but not as natural-tasting as i prefer. as for the fixins, since everything covered in fudge is worth eating, the waffle cone pieces were tasty enough. at the same time, they were mostly soggy but i guess that's how they're supposed to be, despite the mnemonic that strictly forbids eating waffles in such a manner. the ice cream was rife with waffle cone pieces & caramel. i'm hoping you're familiar with the dreaminess that a caramel swirl adds to ice cream, so i'll spare you the details. all together, while it's not MY americone dream, it's still a good ice cream. bonus: its nutritional content is TOTALLY FATTYPANTS.

with stephen colbert creating a seguetastic link between talk shows & politics, i selected a beer named in honor of the radio addresses given by former president FDR, the 21st amendment fireside chat ale. it's a new seasonal beer released in october by san fran's 21st amendment brewery, another in their line of creatively yummy canned beers. they hope the fireside chat ale will be "like FDR's depression-era radio addresses, which were like a kick in the butt and a hug at the same time." it's available until december, so they're hoping you'll curl up by the fire with one this holiday season & reflect upon how cool it was when a president was able to steer our country out of a depression.

since it's a winter seasonal, it's a beer that's supposed to make you feel all warm & cozy during the chilly winter months. like with many winter seasonals, this means a beer brewed with a bunch of seasonal spices. they've upped the ante with theirs, adding in cocoa nibs & SEVEN different types of malts. when i poured this mixture of ingredients into a glass, it produced a medium-to-dark brown color. i could only faintly smell the wintery spices, which i assume include nutmeg & cinnamon, but in the overall flavor, they subtly mixed in with the cocoa & malts, creating a somewhat complex but interesting flavor. it's definitely drinkable, but the only drawback is that after the first sip of fireside chat ale passes your lips, you become a new deal socialist intent on destroying this great nation through government expansion...or whatever it was that glenn beck told me on the TV about FDR.