#147 - port traits: between the bars.

ever since i turned 21, i've dreamed that one day i'd have a bar that i could call my own, a neighborhood place where i could stop in any day of the week at any time of the day & the bartender, a cute girl who i've established a flirty customer-proprietor relationship with would look at me as i grabbed a stool at the bar & say to me "the usual?" i'd nod & she'd pour me a cold pint of my favoritest snooty beer. it'd be some real cliche shizz & totally not pathetic. every once in a while, she & i & a handful of regulars would order food from the restaurant next door. it'd be like a second home, third if you count my childhood home, which i probably should. to this day, largely due to my propensity towards home drinking, i've yet to find that magical third home...still searching though.

for part three of my portland, oregon investigative series, i've decided to take a look at the portland bar scene & see what it has to offer as far as third homes. i've yet to witness the portland scene firsthand but it's one that i've heard, read & dreamed a lot about & i have a handful of portland friends & acquaintances, so i was able to tap their alcohol-tainted brains & get a ROUGH idea of what's in store for me if i ever go out drinking in bridgetown. that's right...bridgetown. the city has a river running right through the middle of it, so they've got bridges. bridgetown. i'm not sure if anyone actually calls it that, but if they don't, they should. as a nickname, "city of roses" is just stupid. other suggestion: "beavertown."

anyway, if there's one thing that i love to do it's drink good beer & out in portland, there are a lot of folks who share my love. according to my sources, portland's a city where more often than not, you go out in your neighborhood. one of my friends lives in buckman (in the SE part), so he listed a million places in his hood--the slammer, holocene, basement pub, green dragon, my father's place...another friend lives in the pearl district, which is located in the NW part of the city. it's a "brewery district" of sorts, home to rogue, deschutes & bridgeport breweries, so if you're into drinking at a brewery, the area's got you covered. it's also home to henry's 12th st tavern, which has a shit-ton of beers to choose from. i'm down with a shit-ton of beers. my sources also tell me that henry's has a "frosted groove" around the bar so you can put your beer down & keep it cool. beer technology!

if you're out drinking in portland, there's a good chance you'll cross paths with the mcmenamins, two brothers who own somewhere around sixty drinking establishments in the pacific northwest, many of which are in their hometown of portland. a number of their joints are found in converted spaces--the chapel pub (a converted chapel), the bagdad theater & pub (a souped-up movie theater) & the kennedy school (a converted elementary school). apparently the school now has hot tubs. that's HOTT. if you're into drinking at concerts, they also own the crystal ballroom, a 1500-capacity venue that hosts the mid to high level indie bands, acts like spoon & modest mouse. for nyers, we're talking webster hall size...so yeah, they own many interesting places to get your drink on in portland, possibly too many.

so what's the best bar in portland? on yelp, the top bar of the moment is alu wine bar, a fancy looking joint in NE portland. according to citysearch, the best beer selection is at higgins restaurant & bar, which is located downtown. the best dive bar is matador (in the NW area) & the best neighborhood bar is amnesia brewing, a brewpub in the north portland with a beer garden. willamette week's readers voted SE portland's claudia's sports pub the "best bar to drink & watch a blazers game" whilst voting the downtown joint dante's "best bar to drink & not watch a blazers game." matador sounds ok, but other than that & the wine bar (which i'm 99.99% sure i'll never find myself in...it's a wine bar after all), none of those choices sound all that awesome. still, when i eventually get my ass out to portland & experience it firsthand, i'm sure i'll find plenty of places to get drunk...maybe even under a bridge!

#147 - port traits: between the bars.
snacks: stirs the soul maca magic conscious raw chocolate bar / honest foods choco peanut bar / peanut & sea salt caveman bar / mt-n-man chocolate p-nut butter chia bar



as part of my awesome "bar" theme & part of my continuing reviews of vegan snacks made in or purchased in the portland area, it's time for the bars! for me, my bar consumption is usually of the chocolate variety. i mean, i'll occasionally go for a lärabar or a clif bar or something, but those times are few & far between. when it boils down to it, non-chocolate bars usually bore me. with these four bars though, my attitude changed slightly...like 17% in the positive direction. let's take a looksie...

stirs the soul maca magic conscious raw chocolate bar - the first bar is in fact a chocolate bar & it's made by stirs the soul, a company based right in portland. out of the four bars, this one was my favorite, a fact that's largely due to my chocolate bar obsession. it's raw, organic & fair trade, so you can feel good about hood when you're eating it. going in, i was definitely curious about what raw chocolate tastes like. i'm not sure what the whole "maca magic" thing is about, but i'm happy to say that it tastes damn good...melts in your mouth even. if you happen to find yourself in ashland for the sixth annual oregon chocolate festival next month, they'll totally be there. if not, just go to portland's food front. those folks carry it.

honest foods choco peanut bar - honestly, if i was into food fear mongering, i would have had reason to be skeptical of the honest foods choco peanut bar. after all, the choco peanut bar was one of many products that recalled during the great peanut scare of 2009 & even though the possibly affected choco peanut bars have since been removed from the food chain, i'm still supposed to be scared. that was just last year! oh, public panic. you slay me. in conclusion, i felt dangerous whilst eating this bar. honest. overall it tasted fine, but peanut butter & oat bars always taste dry to me. maybe you & peanut butter & oats are cool with each other. if so, you'll like this. honest.

peanut & sea salt caveman bar - our next bar is the bar so simple even a caveman could make it...& get the naming rights. we're talking three ingredients--organic peanuts, brown rice syrup & sea salt. that's it. they're made on an organic farm just outside of seattle called "farm kitchen." it sounds like a pretty cool place. in addition to being a farm, it also hosts weddings & parties & gatherings & whatnot. TOTALLY pastoral. anyway, the peanut & sea salt caveman bar is WAY better than those stupid planters peanut bars. mr peanut can suck it...or get clubbed over the head by a caveman. his choice.

mt-n-man chocolate p-nut butter chia bar - say you're the outdoorsy type. you've lvd off the lnd. you've blzd trls. you've clmbd mt-ns. what else is there left to do, rly? you make a bar that mt-n-men can enjoy. that's what the creator of the mt-n-man bars did. one day, he was all like "f vwls. i'm making a bar that i, a mt-n-man, can enjoy"...& that's what he did. he took some non-pet chia seeds & some oats & chocolate & made himself a bar that implores you to "tackle your mountain." very inspirational. as such, this is probably the perfect snack for a heavy cocaine user...or not, depending on how you read into the message. regardless of your drug habits, it's a tasty, soft bar with occasional crunch. i ate mine while sitting on my ass in my apartment, but after finishing it, i really wanted to tackle my mountain...& by "mountain," i mean a couple hours of TV...tackled it like there was no tomorrow.