man, the alarms.

man, i sure do like me some nuts. cashews, macadamias, almonds...all awesome. as for peanuts, they're the ol' standby nut & when i first crossed paths with a subway ad from the national peanut board telling me how friggin' awesome their nuts are for me, i was all "aw, nuts. that peanut marketing & promotion group has a point." after all, peanuts are both a healthy, tasty snack and one that can really do a number on a nerdy kid with a lame allergy.

as such, sometimes when i'm being super lazy about eating an actual meal type meal, i figure as long as i'm shoving my shaky hand into a jar of peanuts & shoving those peanuts into my mouth, i'm getting all SORTS of necessary proteins & will not die of hunger at all. on those occasions when i just say "screw it" & eat like half the jar in one sitting, i'm getting the caloric equivalent of an actual meal type meal. that's fulfilling on SO many levels.

let's do the math. an ounce serving of planters regular dry roasted peanuts comes with 170 calories, so half of a 16 oz jar means a cool 1360 calories. that figure pairs quite well with the 176% worth of the RDA for fat that comes with a half jar. whether or not this dietary strategy should be applied to a jar of planters five alarm chili peanuts is still up for debate. they've got about the same amount of calories & fat as the regular ones but there are FIVE ALARMS going off in these ones...& they're NEW! NEW! NEW!

i've got a few jars of them over the past few weeks & at first, they're really hot. basically, five alarm chili = dried onion & dried chili powder. when you get a good mouthful of chili powder & it makes its way to the back of your throat, it can be a bit uncomfortably hot. that heat's fleeting though. for a brief moment, it's pretty spicy. then it's not. the end result was that by the time that eight ounces worth of nut action & five alarms worth of chili action had settled into my intestinal system, my mouth had adjusted to the heat but the heartburn was rampant.

will i get them again? totally. will i end up eating them in mass quantities? definitely. will i feel the effects of five alarms? probably. will i ever learn my lesson about eating excessive amounts of spicy foodstuffs? no way.