#186 - OMG!

OMG! do you guyz know what today is?!!! OMG OMG OMG! of course you know what today is! how could you not? SHRIIIEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!! today is the seventeenth anniversary of the day when one pattie mallette squeezed the blessed beiber baby out of her vajayjay & into our universe!!! OMG JUSTIN BIEBER BDAY XVII!!! on the day he was born, slick willie clinton was in the white house & mariah carey's "without you" was the number one single. seventeen years later, the bieb's grown up to be a bonerfied canadian pop star/teen hearthrob/lesbian doppleganger. sure he's never had a number one single of his own, but he's been trying REALLY HARD to get one. i think it's because he doesn't have enough co-writers & producers. now that he's seventeen, he should demand no less than ten co-writers & ten producers on each & every one of his songs. if they don't meet his demands, he cuts his hair again.

OMG! do you guyz know the song "baby," by justin BEEBLER? if you don't, OMG! i don't know what school you go to, but it is TOTALLY not a good school. look...here's a youtube of the song:

OMG! did you know that justin bleeper got his start on youtube? it's true. his mom used to upload vids of him singin & people started getting all into it & next thing you know, he'd become the newest poster boy for the music world 2.0. became a youtube sensation! sold out arenas across the country! made the jonas brothers' popularity look like a sorry excuse for whatever teenagers think is lame-O these days! he's like the new music paradigm or something! please note that new music paradigm ≠ best new artist...at least according to the grammy awards.

OMG! did you guyz see how that espalanza spalding chick TOTALLY stole jus-beebs' best new artist award? i'm pretty sure the whole thing was a travesty. i was SO crying. as of today, the video for "baby" has been viewed 475 MILLION times. it's the most viewed video of ALL TIME. espelrazza's most viewed video only has a little over a million views...& her hair is stupid. WHATEVS. i'm still SO crying.

OMG! so what are you going to do for jeezy beezy's bday? are you going to flush your babysitting money into his multi-million dollar empire & go see his new movie? OMG! me too! shh. don't tell anyone, but me & a few of my friends are going to go to the mall after school & see it AGAIN. jenise is going to wear her big sunglasses & a necktie cause, as she puts it "jb smoove brings out the fashion in me." it's going to be the best bieb-day EVA. i added another candle & some more jasmine to my bieb-shrine last night in preparation & i was going to bake a bieb-cake too, but my mom won't let me cook after the "miley cyrus canoli fiasco," so i never got to make a cake for beebles. oh well. it's still going to be an AWESOME BDAY SHRIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!! I <3 YOU JUSTIN BEEEEEEEEEBER HAPPY BDAY AHHHHHH PARTY!!!

snack: alexia spicy potato bites
drink: green flash brewing co hop head red ale

OMG! Jbiebz is SO spicy. y'know who else is spicy? shakira. you know what else is spicy that isn't a pop star? alexia spicy potato bites...that's what! well, actually, they're not really spicy, but they do have the word "spicy" in the name. i found them at my favorite bodega a few days back & thought that they sounded interesting enough, so i picked up a box. according to the alexia website, the company got their start here in nyc when somebody named alex was all "why aren't there good side dishes?" as a result, alexia was created, bringing a range of quality bread & potato based products to the market.

their spicy potato bites aren't all that bad, but they aren't all that good either. i was quite underwhelmed & here's why: they're made with russet potatoes, chipotle pepper & cheddar cheese, which is an acceptable combo of ingredients. unfortunately, the chipotle pepper flavor only peeks through occasionally, so you're basically left with potato cheese puffs that are decidedly UN-spicy. YAWN. they're like high-class cheesy tater tots baked into breaded puff shapes. i guess i was expecting a flavor akin to a jalapeno popper mashed with a tater tot, which it definitely wasn't. on a related note, somebody needs to invent the "potato jalapeno popper." THX.

OMG! i can't wait until j-dawg is old enough to legally drink. in his canadian homeland, that day's only 365 days away. once that day arrives, maybe i could go to one of his canadian concerts & casually run into him in a canadian hotel lobby & be all "YO B! OMG! you want a green flash brewing co hop head red ale? it's on me!" & i'd toss a bottle of the stuff his way & his bodyguards would shoot it out of mid-air & then proceed to gun me down. it would suck for me, but it'd really suck for the bieb, cause he'd miss out on a tasty beer made by a company started back in 2002 by a kinda wholesome-looking san diego couple.

full disclosure: i've drank a TON of bottles of the hop head red ale over the past few hours months. in fact, it's become one of my favorite beers as of late. for some reason though, i never ended up writing about any of the many snack-drink pairings that included it, so i guess this review's long overdue. as the name suggests, it's a hoppy red beer. it's made with caramel malts, which gives it a sweet taste, but the hops are still the dominant taste. all together it's a smooth beer that'll please those who enjoy tasting fresh hops in their brew & heck, you might like it even if hops aren't usually your thing. as for the biebertron 3000, come to think of it, this is probably too manly of a beer for him. somebody get that pop star a virgin daiquiri! it's his bday, yo!