snapple whore.

friends, family, constituents...thank you for reading today. last week, some of you may have heard the rumors about my recent beverage consumption. i've come here today to inform you that these rumors are true. i've been having relations with snapple lemon tea. this hot, sweaty summer has been a difficult time for me in my struggle against caffeine consumption & over the past few months, i've succumb to the pressures, drinking more snapple then i probably should.

over the years, i've been in hot & heavy relationships with both 4C & arizona. i even had a brief fling with lipton brisk. through it all, i've often found myself returning to snapple. their company slogan is "made from the best stuff on earth." you'd think that would mean that their beverages contain creamsicles, boobs & world peace, but they don't. take their addictive lemon tea. these days, it's all natural, made from only water, sugar, citric acid, green & black tea leaves, and natural flavors. best stuff on earth? VERY debatable. still, i can't seem to drink enough of it.

i love my snapple lemon teas despite the fact that they come with faulty snapple caps, which are almost guaranteed to end up leaking all over the place any time you try to reseal them after opening them. as always, that leakage & stickiness comes with reward though, as the underside of each & every snapple cap contains a "real fact."  over the past week, snapple has taught me that the average person takes 23,000 breaths a day, the mayflower only held 102 people & that cranberries are tested for ripeness by bouncing them. that's beverageducation!

should i feel guilty for drinking so much of it? maybe. at first, i felt like a whore to dr. pepper, always running back to my snapple lemon tea. then a twitter acquaintance explained to me that since i'm the one spending the money, i'm actually the john in this scenario & not the whore. he makes a very valid point. maybe i just feel dirty for giving them so much of my money. i guess that a better example of a "snapple whore" would be any of the members of the bloomberg government who negotiated the 2003 deal that made snapple the official beverage of new york city. that worked out AWESOME for the city. i guess if nothing, my relationship with snapple isn't that dysfunctional.