nosh nook #188 - wednesday, december 2, 2009

montreal's bagels square off against new york's (link)
12.1.09 - the ny times - by jennifer 8 lee

the summer after my freshman year of college, i met a few friends up in burlington, VT & we headed up to montreal for an evening of drunken, strip club hoppin' good times. just after we crossed the border into canada, we picked up a bunch of molson xxx & quickly thereafter got to consuming it in all its enhanced alcohol content glory. oh canada! better alcohol content! better drinking age! after a series of follies, we somehow eventually made it to club super sexe & although i've only been to one other strip club in my life & that one was stateside, i can clearly say...oh canada! better strippers! better lap dances! we already know they have a better health care system, so i won't even get into that.

so wait? does their bagel capital (montreal) also have better bagels than our bagel capital (nyc)? there's no way. our bagels rule. jennifer 8 lee (who is quickly becoming one of my favorite times writers) & the ny times city room had heard rumors that montreal had legendarily delectable & different bagels, so they decided to find out for themselves. as lee explains, "montreal, which saw an influx of jewish immigrants both before and after world war II, had become one of the main world centers of distinctive jewish cuisine." that, of course, means good bagels. with that in mind, city room took a trip up to a bagel joint way up in montreal--st-viateur's bagels. it seems like a bit of a hike for a bagel, but i guess we are talking the ny times here. they still have lots of money to throw around, right?

the first thing that lee & city room learned was that "montreal bagel makers had no problem trash-talking new york bagels, which they found to be too gargantuan and too salty. they even talked to one of st-viateur's employees & he asked "why do they even call it a bagel? it's like having bread." oh snap! he says that because their bagels are skinnier & have a more pronounced hole. as for the taste, they're "hand-rolled and baked in wood-burning ovens," so they have a "crisp and smoky crust." they're also made with malt flour & "are boiled in water with honey," so they're sweeter on the inside. there's no salt either, which is just crazy talk.

city room brought some of the bagels back for their times co-workers & the overall consensus was that "the new york bagel clearly won out among those who had an opinion to offer," as the montreal ones were "like new york pretzels without salt," "completely flavorless" and "dense, a little tough, and totally bland." they don't sound all that bad, but since i'm not heading up to montreal any time soon, for now, i'm going to have to take their word for it. that's okay with me though. the bagels we've got down here in nyc will do me just fine for now.

nosh nook #67 - tuesday, june 16, 2009

teens try to sell fake guns to buy snacks (link)
06.15.09 - kptv (fox 12 oregon)

in oregon snack-related crime news, the other day, two teenage boys from west linn (a well-to-do suburb just south of portland) were totally up to no good. around half past noon, a witness placed a call to police, letting them know that there were two boys loitering outside a local "market of choice." sure, loitering outside of a store's not that serious of a crime, but it is when you're trying to sell guns out of a backpack whilst doing so.

as kptv reports, by the time police responded to the concerned citizen's call, the two boys were on the lam, having taken off on their bikes minutes earlier. the cops took off in hot pursuit & soon found the two boys "a few blocks from the store hiding in some bushes." these boys are young, so they probably weren't aware, but if there's one thing i've learned about cops, they always look in the bushes. hiding behind a bunch of dresses in a closet doesn't work either.

with the teens in custody, the officers examined the aforementioned backpack. inside, they found "a replica of an HK MP-5 machine gun and several air soft replicas of glock pistols."  that's right...the guns were fake...realistic looking, but fake.  it turns out all the boys wanted to do was sell one of the fake guns so they could buy some bagels.  peeps were hungry & looking for something to nosh on. instead, all they got was a reprimand, as "the officers called the parents of the 13- and 14-year-old boys and sent them home."  maybe next time, they should bring a real gun to the market & start waving it around inside.  that'd definitely get them the bagels they so desire.