#67 - you lost yo mind?

i was a latecomer to the world of LOST. i never got into it originally & then for years, because one of my past roommates watched both it & 24 (which i will never watch) i lumped them into the same category, "pointless." then i had enough people tell me they loved LOST, so i started watching it pretty obsessively last spring & finally caught up about a week after last season ended. by the end of watching last season, i found myself checking all sorts of LOST websites & episode guides, scouring through the minisites, building theories...i had the bug pretty bad.

...so when this season started, i was psyched to be able to watch it in real time with the rest of the world, but during the first episode, it was clear that when watching the first four seasons, i definitely benefited from having a pause button at my disposal when watching. without it, i miss/don't absorb everything that's going on. since then, i've gotten better at absorbing.

last night was 8th of 17 episodes in the season & the last episode until march 18th. after this season, there's one season left & the show's done, so they have an ending point to work towards, which probably helps....SPOILERS BELOW?

this year's theme is that a group (the oceanic six) has managed to leave the island, but in doing so, all hell breaks loose on the island, as it keeps skipping through time (because it's obviously a time machine) & the crash survivors who remained on the island have to endure through that crap...so obviously those who left need to get back to the island to save those who are still there. last night, they officially made it back to the island & met up with those who stayed behind...obviously, this happened because they all got on a plane that flew through certain coordinates & they ended up back on the island...but due to all the time skipping it is now 1974 on the island...obviously...so i have probably not been born yet...unless it is december or late november...obviously.

there have been some good moments this season (the locke suicide scene was killer), but there have also been a lot of other "history of the island" moments tossed in & lots of skipping through time, so the storyline's very disjointed, which is unsettling at times. i guess we're supposed to feel as unhinged as the characters or something.

i mean, even though there's so much going on, it's not as if LOST has become ridiculous, like heroes. it's actually an interesting device that each episode seems to have moments where you start out thinking "wait...who the f are these people?" and over time, they make their way into the storyline. it adds to the individual uniqueness of each episode. anyway, i just hope all this junk is leading somewhere good or i will personally send j.j. abrams a box of poop...not really though. after all, it's just a show.

#67 - you lost yo mind?
snack: hebert's berry good! dark chocolate bar
drink: fort collins brewery chocolate stout

while i watched the survivors play around in 1974 island time, i couldn't help but think of/get nostalgic for my childhood & luckily, while watching, i had a snack that fit that nostalgic-for-childhood theme--the hebert's berry good! dark chocolate bar.

when i was growing up in new hampshire, we'd often visit my mom's parents in westboro, mass & on the way, we'd often stop at hebert's candy mansion in shrewsbury. the mansion is this house full of all kinds of candy. we were like kids in a candy store. as a kid, i was very partial to the maple candy & the rock candy...so yeah, this dark chocolate bar made by them makes me all nostalgic & junk. i want rock candy now.

tastewise, it's my jam! it's a bar packed on top with all sorts of awesome junk--strawberries, blueberries, cranberries & white chocolate chips. i give the taste five thumbs up.

on the flip side, there was my choice of drink for the evening, the fort collins brewery chocolate stout. i give it five flaccid penises. it's totally bland & hardly chocolaty & not very stouty at all. i've enjoyed fort collins brewery beers in the past, but this one bored me. maybe it was because after eating the hebert bar, my taste buds we're so doped up on nostalgic candy goodness that nothing else could satisfy their insatiable enjoyment levels, not even a chocolaty beer from colorado.

#66 - what a re-tahd.

when i first heard about the how's your news? team (from a camp on the vineyard) a little ways back & saw the 1999 movie documenting their travels across the country, i wasn't sure what to think of the concept. essentially, you have a group of people, all disabled in some way, engaging in somewhat forced conversations with strangers. often, these conversations aren't even conversations, as the person being interviewed can't understand the interviewer or thinks that the interviewer can't understand them. somewhere in there, truths & awkward feelings are revealed.

since then, i've questioned intent & gone through skepticism & research & intrigue & enjoyment about the idea that they now have a show on mtv, who has been no stranger to exploitation over the years. in passing judgment, one could also argue that trey parker & matt stone make fun of disabled people (see south park's timmy & jimmy), but then one would be misinformed.

i've been around various disabled folks more frequently than usual in various situations over the past year & in applying that to how's your news, i can say that if you're watching & laughing & enjoying it because these peeps are having the time of their lives traveling the country with friends, getting to do the craziest stuff & interview celebrities & have A SHOW ON FRIGGIN MTV, then there is nothing wrong with it. i mean, it's more than i'm doing with myself these days. if you're laughing at them because you're a prick, well...there you have it. there's a name for you too.

exploitation? hell no. there is a show on mtv with a cast made up entirely of disabled people. maybe one day they'll afford the same luxury to an all muslim cast or hindu caste.

i watched the first four episodes the other night & the show is even better than the movie. some key moments:

los angeles (ep.1)
- sue interviews people on venice beach. a guy on a bike stops to be interviewed & the first question she asks him is "if you could change one thing about this country, what would it be?" his reply is, "i'd legalize marijuana." after that, everyone she talks to gets asked about legalizing marijuana.
- red carpet at the grammys! miley cyrus! boys against girls! plain white t's! the shins! the creepy dude from tool!

las vegas (ep. 2)
- jeremy goes to the mall with john stamos as his wingman to pick up chicks.
- ufc fighters! kroq festival! the rambo premiere!

austin (ep. 3)
- sue interviews gil mantera's party dream at sxsw & opens by saying "you guys aren't even ipod material." ha! it's funny cause it's true!
- the how's your news? band rocks sxsw for two shows. three of the dudes have williams syndrome which, from what i've read & seen, means badass musical ability.

new orleans (ep. 4)
- they have an oyster eating session with a guy claimed to hold some oyster eating record.
- they visit a pirate convention (now with more wenches!) & the louisiana state penitentiary for a rodeo (now with more bull!).

#66 - what a re-tahd.
snack: original juan's batch #114 jerk microwave popcorn
drink: sierra nevada bigfoot barleywine style ale / bar harbor blueberry ale

in honor of the how's your news? team's cross-country adventures, i settled in for the four episodes with a popcorn from the heartland & a beer from both coasts.

i finished the entire bag of original juan's batch #114 jerk microwave popcorn (from kansas) as i watched. it's somewhat spicy (the website lists it at "zesty (1,500-14,999 scoville units...their hottest product is 1.5MM scoville units)" & has a screamin' dude on the front. he's all THIS POPCORN IS SOOOOO DAMN SPICY I'M LOVIN IT MUTHAFUCKAH!!!!! then all the ladies get with him.

unlike jerky mcjerkjerk on the bag, i kept my composure but also found it to be moderately spicy & tasty & the jerk flavoring's well done. there are maybe 25 kernels left unpopped, so that is also a bonus...more popcorn for shawn!...also some 500 calories for shawn.

also, original juan's products are developed in micro-batches, ensuring goodness & whatnot. i can't wait to try their jerk nuts. the bag encourages me to have my "favorite cold drink in hand" to go with the jerkiness of the popcorn, so i started with a sierra nevada bigfoot barleywine style ale. as a beer style, the barleywine ale falls pretty low on my list, due to the bitterness, but sierra generally makes a good beer & i enjoyed this one enough.

then i cracked open a bottle of bar harbor blueberry ale. the beer is true to the claim on their website. it's a subtle blueberry flavor, which i'll take over the overpowering apricot of the magic hat #9 any day of the week. i preferred it to the sierra, which once again proves that the best is not in the west. hopefully that same principle will apply to upcoming how's your news? episodes as well, as they make their way back to the east coast...but only to justify the ending of this blog entry.

#65 - it's a mad mad mad mad tv.

if there's one thing that fox can say it's consistently kicked ass in over the years, it's comedy...& i suppose, if you're a bombastic prick, you might also say they've kicked ass in news coverage, but then you deserve a good kick in the nuts too.

just look at the list of awesome comedy-based programming that they've been home to, all with varying run lengths...married with children (11 seasons), the ben stiller show (1 season), arrested development (3 seasons), the simpsons (20 seasons), family guy (7 seasons), in living color (5 seasons), that 70s show (8 seasons), the critic (1 season), get a life (2 seasons), herman's head (3 seasons)...the animated sit down, shut up (with like half the cast of arrested development doing voices) premieres near the end of april. i already assume that it's genius.

in their history, fox has made a mixture of great & awful decisions as far as which programs to keep or cancel. madtv has managed to stick around for 14 seasons now & is finally ending its time on fox after the current season. over time, even though it too can have its fair share of groan-worthy sketches, i've become a bigger fan of madtv than i am of snl.

this saturday's episode opened with a sketch with two people watching a disturbing commercial for a dog declipper. in it, they kept showing a closeup diagram of how the clipper worked, which involved yanking at the claw and slicing off the nail, all to the sound of a dog yelp. the couple squirmed & squirmed & the sketch ended with another commercial for a product that proposed to aid in "papercuts to the cornea." the sketch then returned two sketches later with a commercial for "the circumscissors."

throughout the show, there were a few sexy sketches about abstinence with miley cyrus & the jonas brothers, a celebrity roast of a dying child, a series of "t-mobile fave 5" sketches with bushie the second, angelina jolie & michelle obama, two bobby lee sketches--one with him in a diaper as cupid & one with him as "the blind kung fu master," a sketch where a firm comes up with a new image for a manufacturer of douchebags and a few other "gems." it was humorous enough.

#65 - it's a mad mad mad mad tv.

snack: stacy's cinnamon sugar pita chips
drink: samuel adams imperial white

as i spent the hour watching & writing down notes about madtv, i dug into a bag of stacy's cinnamon sugar pita chips. they're baked & wheat-based & essentially healthy and stacy madison (the co-founder) got her start in boston, so that's cool. the company's currently based out of randolph, a yawntastic town located just south of boston that i never found the need to go to in my 20+ years growing up in the area. their website is pitachips.com, so i guess that pretty much makes them the masters of the pita chip.

i'm a fan of pita chips. they're never greasy & their thickness makes them a substantial & satisfying snack item, especially when combined with the right amount of flavoring. these ones have a cinnamon sugar flavoring that's never overpowering & when you do get a chip that's abound in flavor, it's a sweet treat & no reason to complain...plus, the flavor reminds me of the main reason my moms got me to eat so much toast growing up.

with the chips, i'm enjoying a beer from another boston-based company, the samuel adams imperial white. it's one of three beers (along with the double bock & imperial stout) in their "imperial" series. it's a fruity witbeir and i enjoyed it (even sipped it as suggested by their website) and thought that the orange & coriander flavors went well with the cinnamon sugar...in fact, it was going so well & i was feeling good that when midnight rolled around & madtv ended & talk show with spike feresten came on, i leapt up like a coked-up leopard & shut that tv down before it was too late...catlike pita & beer reflexes, i tell ya...quicklike.

#58 - i touch myself.

so both my personal & work computers are currently deader than pushing daisies (i killed em both good!) & it's a lazy lame friday night in shawnland & ooh the blog urges, so i'm doing it. i'm blogging entirely from my ipod touch.

it's like twitter to the fifty gazillionth degree! jack dorsey is going to be so proud of my tiny handheld device writing abilities when he hears about my skillz...although he'll likely frown upon my excessive use of characters. here you are jack dorsey:

i find that 140 characters is an insultingly insufficient & stifling amount of characters in which to try to develop a full, coherent tho...

i'm friggin' obsessed with my ipod touch. it's like a mini-computer & it's about as jetson as i've ever been. if you're a close friend somewhere else other than nyc & want to talk about the weather, that's cool with me. i embrace that thought, as i likely have your city stored in the weather app on my ipod touch & know about your blustery winds.

don't want to talk about the weather? let's talk about my ipod touch then. my ipod touch has a facebook app & a myspace app on it, which means i'm now stalking you on the go & probably listening to fresh air as i do so.

i love my ipod touch. ipod touch. ipod touch. ipod touch.

#58 - i touch myself.
snack: cold mcdonalds french fries with sweet & sour sauce
drink: allagash white ale

earlier tonight, i got lazy & got mcdonalds for dinner & after inhaling the ranch bacon chicken sandwich, i had to wait on the fries to avoid stomach explosion. two hours later, i've returned to the fries with a tub of sweet & sour sauce. much of the time, i could be eating cardboard, as long as it's slathered in sweet & sour sauce, so cold mcdonalds french fries are more than sufficient as a delivery mechanism for the sauce.

& i'm washing these cold fries down with an allagash white ale. i think it's safe to say that the allagash white, from portland, maine, is my favorite white beer. it's made with all sorts of yummy spices & i'd take it over blue moon any day of the week.

hey! did you hear about my ipod touch? if i want, i can get all kinds of stupid apps for it. there's one app called "sound grenade" that "generates a really, really annoying, nauseating and headache producing high pitched sound." there's another called "fart for free," which allows you to "disgust your girlfriend" or "reminisce on past farts." both sound extremely useful.

ooh! you know what's the best part about my ipod touch? with the stellar economy, when i find myself looking for work, i'll be ready to kick ass on those touch screen registers at mcdonalds. i'll be like the tiger woods of those things. minimum wage & high school companions here i come!

sent from my ipod touch

#57 - bodega redux.

i moved to my current place in brooklyn (at 4th & 21st) almost two years ago & when i first moved here, i made a point to make the rounds & check out all the closest 4th ave bodegas. there's the one between 19th & 20th that is frequently properly stocked with utz red hot chips that was my clear favorite for a while. there's one across the street on the corner of 22nd, but that one often is often slim pickens & has more unfamiliar spanish brands than it does familiar american brands, so i get all xenophobic (seriously, how did bally midway get away with the xenophobe video game? "exterminate the aliens?" what? can you even say that on a video game poster?) there's a bodega down at 26th, just past the train stop that tends to have a lot of my favorite snacks, but it's all the way down there, five blocks away, a full block-and-a-half past the dunkin donuts/baskin robbins & at that point it's like, "no item at that stupid 26th st bodega will have as satisfying an amount of glaze or sprinkles as anything in this joint right here before my eyes."

there's also one on the corner of 23rd that i originally boycotted because there was a woman working there who always did the thing where even if you'd handed her your money & extended your hand out to receive your change, she'd drop your change on the counter so you had to pick it up. i hate that, so after a few times of getting the friendly change heisman from that lady, i swore the place off. shawn likes friendly.

then a few months back, the place got all torn up inside & renovated & it has new people working there & whatnot & has become my go to bodega. under new management rules! the place is now run by a group of friendly dudes who call me boss & buddy. when i'm in a state of lazy peckishness, they make me sandwiches & often add a banana in with it & then the banana goes bad on my counter because i hate bananas. i left my wallet there one night & it was there behind the counter waiting for me the next morning. there are all kinds of hip, fancy snacks on the shelves. chocolate-covered sunflower seeds!

#57 - bodega redux.
snack: hostess sno balls
drink: dogfish head raison d'être

tonight i stopped by the bodega in the mood for something slightly chocolaty & hostess sno balls contain some chocolate or facsimile of said chocolate, so i brought a pack of the lil tribble-snacks home with me. one summer evening in boston, just after college, i was working at the allston videosmith video store (R.I.P.) & my co-workers and i were bored & i was hungry & my roommate/co-worker & i had probably been drinking on our back porch earlier that afternoon & as a result, we made a deal...they would give me the money to go next door & buy two packages of sno balls, but i had to eat all of them right there. i took their sucker money, went next door & bought two packages of pink sno balls and ate all four. approx 30 minutes later i felt it. if my stomach could talk, he would probably have a better word to describe the feeling, so i will just have to settle for calling it "gator belly snappin' awful." do not try this at home. anyway, i still enjoy sno balls & yes i feel guilty about their contents, but if you can come up with a healthy, natural version of them that combines seasonally-diversely-colored coconut with chocolate cake, cream & marshmallow in the same pleasant manner, i'll give up my precious sno balls & eat your "nature puff" or "koala coconut cream dream" or whatever the crap you decide to call it.

this hip new bodega has perpetuated my love of dogfish beers, as they usually have three or four different kinds in the cooler, which means i usually end up picking up a couple different singles a week there. a few weeks back, they got in some of the dogfish 120-minute i.p.a. it was the first time i'd ever seen the 120-minute, so i grabbed one, plunked down three & some change and enjoyed the hell out of it. next time i went to get one, i discovered that the beers are actually supposed to cost $10 a piece. they had mispriced it & were in the process of sending it back to the distributor. i felt bad. not "let me give you that $7" bad though.

tonight i'm drinking the dogfish head raison d'être with my marshmallowy hostess treats. it's a mahogany ale & has friggin beet sugar & green raisins in it. i know! can you beweeve it? i bet your beer doesn't even have beet sugar & green raisins. i bet you don't even want beet sugar & green raisins in your beer. the raison d'être is probably like my 2nd dogfish BFF right now, behind the 90-minute ale. as you undoubtedly know, raison d'être means "reason for being." tonight, my reason for being is to pretend that i'm actually watching the season premiere of frontline when i'm actually only retaining the word "uighur" (pronounced: wee-gur). uighur. uighur. uighur.