#29 - fluffycreamycreepysmooth.

tonight i'm watching the second vice presidential debate, featuring questions from myspace. take that facebook. the debate also features rules, which are to be wantonly flaunted in tom brokaw's face. he just keeps bringing them rules up & the candidates just keep giving him the ol' "don't make us oust you again, tom."

when obama speaks, he's always composed. he answers questions intelligently. this is probably a plus. i mean, it worked out really well for both gore & kerry. wait a second. mccain just replied to something obama said with something about nailing jello to the wall? did he just accuse senator obama of wasting dessert? oh, never mind. budget metaphor. obama not evil. jello safe. he's still not getting my vote though.

john mccain wants to sit down & reach across the table. bad table manners, senator. i really wish he would stop calling me his friend & chopping at me. i attended a taping of the daily show a year or so back & he was the guest, promoting a book or something. he was definitely charming then. now he just creeps me out. tonight, he keeps shuffling forward toward the audience like a mummy as he answers their questions. i bet you he's breathing his pharaohvian breath on the people in the front row. maybe he could throw silver dollars at the good people of america from high atop a building. i'm pretty sure he'd get the lenny vote.

here is the question i would have asked:

as a male in his mid-thirties who is so spectacularly disenchanted with the political system that i am considering going back to the green party & voting for cynthia mckinney just to say that i participated in the process, why should anything either of you say not sound like it is coming from the mouth of an adult in a peanuts cartoon?

i would reserve the right to fully emphasize the words "spectacularly disenchanted" and sing these words loudly whilst making hammering or baseball bat-swinging motions to emphasize my point.

the last question was from amherst, nh:

q: what don't you know & how would you learn it?
a: well, what i do know is that at the end of this question, you still won't know what i don't know.

#29 - fluffycreamycreepysmooth.
snack: smart ones chocolate eclair
drink: silk 11 fl oz chocolate soymilk

in honor of tonight's debate, i'm having myself a smart ones chocolate eclair. it is a perfect metaphor for the debate, except for the "smart ones" part. it is fluffy. it is creamy. it won't make me feel guilty about eating it. it needs to be taken out of the freezer & thawed out for an hour before consuming. it goes really good with silk soy milk, especially when it is the chocolate kind drank out of a wasteful american single serving sized bottle. perfect. metaphor. oh & they're both not very good.

#20 - ol' smoky.

i've smoked a lot of cigarettes in my life. that's a fact.

it all started when a few times in my early teens, pat cody & i snuck mores from his mom & walked down the dirt bike trail near his house to smoke butts & play with wd-40 & a lighter. cigarettes never caught on for me a that point in my life though. i didn't know anyone old enough who would buy them for me anyhow.

...& then along came college, where there were people from outside nh, people who knew actual lesbians & had friends who had gone to rehab & so cigarettes were around more & i found myself smoking cigarettes a lot more regularly during that time, although the habit gained the most strength from the summers between college, when i was back in nh with all my high school friends sitting on porches running through packs of camel lights. i blame you, martin.

the simple scientific fact is that in 90% of situations you look much cooler with a cigarette. without fail, a cigarette enhances your presence (for better or worse). a cigarette can help you strike up a conversation with that girl who "only smokes when she drinks." when you're in a conversation & don't know what to say, you can take a long drag off your cigarette & stare up slightly up towards the heavens. people will think that you're really deep when you're actually quite clueless. when you're attempting to get information from a perp, if you're smoking a cigarette, he will be much more intimidated if you're smoking & if he isn't, you just put out your cigarette on his forehead to remind him who's in charge (unless you are on network television & aren't allowed to smoke on your show).

...so i smoked constantly & thirteen years later, i finally stopped smoking at least 15 cigarettes a day & blowing tons of money supporting the routine. my decision was partly for my health, partly for my finances & partly for the smell. i still like cigarettes though. they're sweet...& smoky...segue...just like...

#20 - ol' smoky.
snack: t.g.i.friday's sweet & smoky popcorn chicken
drink: schweppes dry grape ginger ale

this sunday, i was in the mood for some snackin' & went for the recently purchased box of t.g.i.friday's sweet & smoky popcorn chicken. normally, i wouldn't bother with such an item. i'm not really one of those "go to t.g.i.friday's" types & given the choice between the t.g.i.friday's in times square and the approximately 73,000 other restaurants in nyc, t.g.i.friday's probably falls in around 53,476th place in my choices to eat...but, if t.g.i.friday's boxes up their dishes, puts them in the freezer section of my local grocery store & slaps a sale tag in front of them, who am i to deny them?

...so i went with the sweet & smoky popcorn chicken & it's pretty dang good. at first, it's weird to be faced with a plateful of what look partly like mini falafel balls & partly like chunks of clif bar, but the chicken is solidly sweet & smoky and the right color. for me, it's always best when chicken is a nice, whitish color. it tells me that the meat isn't actually pigeon or from the ass of the chicken & most importantly, that the chicken didn't have scurvy or something. throughout the course of my sunday, i finished off the entire box. here's to fulfilling 92% of my rda for sodium.

i had a few glasses of schweppes dry grape ginger ale along with the chicken balls. i love this stuff. whenever i'm feeling guilty about the amount of caffeine i inhale on a daily basis, i switch over to a two-liter of the schweppes. any time i can lessen the impact of my caffeine intake, it's a victory in my book. without the guilt from smoking hanging over my head, i have to worry about something...why not caffeine?