#26 - shawn's fantastical hoighty toighty ice cream sandwich.

...so i'm watching the emmy awards tonight on abc & it's a three-hour show, so that means tons of commercials & of course, that means tons of commercials for abc's fall lineup. that means tons of commercials for a lineup that includes samantha who?, ugly betty, desperate housewives, boston legal, brothers & sisters, eli stone, dirty sexy money, life on mars, grey's anatomy/private practice and pushing daisies...oh, and the crappy reality tv shows.

the best part about the ads for these shows is that each commercial ends with the note that next week is, "national stay at home week," an occasion created & announced by abc's pr team about a month back. what this means is that with tomorrow being the start of fall, we should avoid the outdoors at all costs & plop our asses down on the couch for the next week to absorb the abundant wonders of abc's fantastic fall lineup.

if you choose to not celebrate national stay at home week, you're disobeying a national holiday & not only would that make you a communist, but christina applegate would probably never talk to you again. samantha who? sassy christina applegate, that's who!

#26 - shawn's fantastical hoighty toighty ice cream sandwich.
snack: bierkraft's dark chocolate gelato & cherry blondie
drink: lakefront cherry lager beer

with the emmys, i'm enjoying a dark chocolate gelato & cherry blondie from bierkraft, the local yummy beer & cheese & gourmet food shop. a few weeks back, i went there to buy some beer & on the way in, noticed a sign they had posted on the door that suggested pairing their chocolate chip ice cream sandwich with a smuttynose old brown dog ale. i passed on that particular occasion, but filed it away for later.

the other night, i decided to go back & pick up the combo. i got the smuttynose but when i saw the ice cream sandwiches in the freezer, the dark chocolate gelato & cherry blondie made getting that pathetic chocolate chip one a non-option. at the register, i discovered i was purchasing a $5 ice cream sandwich. hoighty toighty. that night, i totally drank the smuttynose & then the freezer door got left open for a couple hours at some point during the evening, so the ice cream sandwich got a little thawed/melted. undeterred, i went back to bierkraft today & picked up the lakefront cherry lager to pair with it.

they're both really tasty. the ice cream sandwich itself is so rich & tasty & filling that it's a two-sitting ice cream sandwich...it'd better be for $5! as for the beer, it's brewed with wisconsin cherries, which i assume are good based solely on their work in the field of dairy.

in closing, yay mad men yay!...and people sure do love tina fey, huh? "the elaine may of our time," according to alec baldwin's speech...which means she has both a mikey & nickey and an ishtar in her. people probably love tina so durn much because she's wittier than any other female on earth & a verifiable stone. cold. fox. seriously, i'd give my left...

#23 - running on empty.

enough is enough. i will never again watch an episode of saturday night live. it is horribly acted, both by the guest hosts & the stable of actors. nobody cares enough, it seems. season premiere, folks. michael phelps, thanks for trying. couldn't we occupy this valuable time slot with something a bit less stale? lorne, are you steinbrenneresque in your vanity?

i'm sure michael showalter could come up with something. i hear judd apatow is hot.

#23 - running on empty.
snack: none
drink: water

if i was to eat anything right now, i would puke it up. that is how bad saturday night live is. it has killed my desire for snacking.

...i might as well have some water to calm my stomach. i don't feel that i can fully speak for chris farley, but i have to believe he is rolling over in his grave.

i rushed home from the bar for this. ick.

r.i.p.
s.n.l.

#11 - corn nuts & the american dream.

in the world o' shawn, mondays have recently become a night for watching my picture stories, both those that i follow & a few that i'm checking out/catching up on. last week marked the beginning of generation kill & the fifth episode of weeds.

this week, i upped the ante by continuing with those two shows & adding in the first episode of mad men, which until fresh air shoved it in my face over the past couple weeks, i had no idea existed. i mean, it is sort of like somebody telling you about this unicorn they saw...a good tv show airing on & produced by amc. american movie classics? that amc? 13 emmy nominations? the 2nd season starts next sunday? huh...guess i better get caught up.

anyhow, come september, generation kill will be long done, weeds will be nearing the end of its season & we'll have the new season premieres of dexter and it's always sunny in philadelphia, who fx has just ordered 39 more episodes of the show from, meaning with the new season, there will be at least 52 more episodes of this lovely show, all with the same five key cast members!!! OMG!!! by my calculation, i will be nearing the tail end of my 30s by the time that this show goes off the air. LOL!!! :-/ :( :'(

i mention all these shows (& tonight's lineup of shows in particular) because they are my type of shows for one reason, really. each, to some degree, focuses on some version/aspect of the american dream. it's the same reason i was drawn in the past to shows such as six feet under, the sopranos, the office, golden girls, etc...& for viewing these shows, really, what goes better with the american dream than...

#11 - corn nuts & the american dream.

snack: corn nuts caliente mix
drink: mountain dew

have you ever tried corn nuts? i think i might have once or twice in my life, but they've always seemed a bit weird & possibly bland to me.

apparently, they have been around since friggin' 1936, which i'm pretty sure makes them an official american tradition. today the company is owned by planters/kraft, which means that corn nuts are now a subsidiary of a subsidiary (planters) of a subsidiary (kraft) of a subsidiary (altria/philip morris). that, in itself, sounds like the american dream to me...& i purchased them at a 7-11! that's like double corporate jeopardy or something.

the caliente mix features seasoned peanuts, crunchy corn snack (the nuts!), spicy sesame sticks, corn sticks & red chile crescents. red! chile! crescents! that is a band name if i've ever seen one. it works on so many levels! but seriously, tossing corn nuts in a snack mix where they can sort of just fade to the back of the mix totally cures that blandness problem i was having with them.

i figured that there was no better drink to pair the corn nuts mix with than a mountain dew, pepsico's fruity #2 beverage. i figure as far as american dreams go mountain dew is right there with them all the items on tonight's menu...

altria/philip morris made $38.5 billion in revenue in 2007
pepsico brought in $39.4 billion in 2007
the american military spent $439.3 billion in 2007
the california marijuana business takes in about $2 billion per year
it is estimated that in the u.s., advertising & marketing is a $381 billion dollar industry

billions of dollars...that's the american dream right there, folks.

#9 - jamaica mon!

sorry to leave all y'all regular shawn blog reader folks in the lurch like that with no update for the last 8 days. i know you've probably been worried sick. the shawn, for reasons we will not go into in this blog, just hasn't been snackin' that much recently.

today is a different story. i hadn't seen the inside of a non-ghetto grocery store in nigh a fortnight, so i headed down to the local pathmark to regrocerize myself & pick up an evening snack to consume whilst watching the first episode of generation kill. to clarify, by non-ghetto grocery store, i mean one that has at least two non-scary types of fruits/vegetables & one where the teenage cashiers don't get smacked on the ass by the dirty old man who oversees the place. i only say so because there are approximately 63 of that variety of grocery store in my neighborhood.

although i had yet to see a minute of generation kill, i had an inkling that it probably has a distinctly international flair, what with the americans visiting the middle east storyline & all, so when i was at pathmark selecting a fitting snack-drink combo, i went straight to the aisles with the funny foreign foods. at first, i was going to go strictly goya, but to be honest, i'm a bit afraid of the malta goya beverage & the tamarind flavored soda sounded a bit sour to me.

luckily, across the aisle was the jamaican section. the first beverage i set eyes on was a bottle of dg genuine jamaican kola champagne.

i mean, look at the cat on that bottle. he makes that newbury comics dude look like a schmo. he's all "ok, mon. you have your wicked good time, poindextah. i'll just be over here in the shade of this tree with a fat one & me three lady friends sipping on kola champagne."

to pair with it, after much searching, the perfect snack leapt out at me from the freezer section...

#9 - jamaica mon!
snack: golden krust jamaican style spicy beef patties
drink: dg genuine jamaican kola champagne

...from behind the freezer doors, the box of golden krust jamaican style spicy beef patties called my name. by examining the box, i confirmed that while these patties are good for lunch or after school, they are also acceptable as an evening snack. says so right on the front. perfect...just what i need...oh & it also says that each patty contains 490 calories of spicy beef goodness, with a lot of that providing essential sodiums & fats...perfect...just what i need. as a rule, i probably eat beef once or twice a month anyhow, so i might as well go big when i do, right?

let me tell you--spicy beef patties are delicious. heart-cloggingly delicious. the jury is still out on the kola champagne soda. i found it to be akin to a cream soda, but without as much yummy cream aftertaste. i guess when you're as high as that jamaican mascot cat probably is, you can find satisfying flavor in anything...even when it bears a striking resemblance to urine.

#4 - drizzle fo shizzle.

i've been going through a bit of withdrawal lately, as, after almost a decade where tv shows were only a skew part of my life, i've recently fallen back in love with tv somewhat & run through the full offerings of the sopranos, the wire, lost, the 4400, dexter & weeds. with no episodes left of any of those shows, i reached out for mission hill over the past weeks, but it just didn't fill the void.

luckily, monday night was the season premiere of weeds. the season premiere of weeds seemed like it was somewhat of a snacking holiday by nature & as such, a few of us gathered at a friend's house, where we settled down around a table of snacks & watched the season premiere of weeds & the series premiere of secret diary of a call girl. boy does that show love sex. anyhow, on the table was a spread of super pretzels, nachos/cheese/salsa, bagel bites, market pantry (target) fruit snacks &...

#4 - drizzle fo shizzle.
snack: archer farms (target) chocolate drizzle indulgent snack mix
drink: harpoon summer beer

growing up, moms used to make large tupperwares full of homemade chex mix, way before chex mix had become just another of the seven million general mills products. the top level of her chex mix recipes was the chocolaty tasty one, with powdered sugar sprinkled on to boot, a pleasant change from the worcestershire sauce-laden version.

the archer farms brand chocolate drizzle indulgent snack mix comes close to mom's chocolate chex mix recipe, but with one slight addition to the recipe, an addition boldly mentioned on the front of the packaging..."& a kick of cayenne pepper." result = mmm.

harpoon, harpoon, harpoon...your summer beer is nothing special. overall, other than the harpoonfest, i'm not really sure why i thought your beers were so awesome at one point. yes, if given the choice between one of your beers & a bud light, i would choose you, but you don't really seem to be going out of your way to impress me. don't make me start talking about sam adams, a beer which i have a long-standing & currently smooth relationship with.