#154 - lowdown dirty jokes.

over the past few months, i've been checking out all of hbo's new comedies & recently, i finally got around to watching the first seven episodes of funny or die presents, a series which is an extension of the usually-hilarious funny or die website. like the site, it's made up of comedy sketches that are played off as low-budget & often feature celebrities. since it's on hbo, the sketches on the tv show are much dirtier, with tons of hilarious swearing, nudity & violence. unfortunately, the show airs fridays at midnight, so there's little-to-no chance that i'll ever view it at its scheduled airtime. whatevs though...that's what on demand's for.

the show's structured in the vain of sctv, with the fictional FOD (funny or die) network airing oft-recurring programming. steve tom plays ed haligan, head of west coast sales & marketing, a guy who hosts the show from a studio filled with 70's era computers & machines & hot secretaries sitting at desks working on whatever hot secretaries work on. as for the FOD programming, it consists of shows like:

derek waters lol - a series of sketches, with the standout being "drunk history," where people get TOTALLY WASTED & then give a history lesson. so far, we've had a lesson about frederick douglass (starring don cheadle as douglass, will ferrell as abe lincoln & zooey deschanel as mary todd) & one about nikola tesla (starring john c reilly as tesla & crispin glover as edison). for me, the best part is how the actors react when the narrator stumbles over their own words. also, watching somebody explain nikola tesla's life whilst lying on the bathroom floor is pretty awesome.

designated driver - a multi-part sketch that we've seen three parts of thus far. in it, a crazy, drunk friend has his relaxed, sober friend pick him up from the bar. after leaving the bar, shenanigans ensue. the drunk friend bashes a huge black dude over the head with a sugar dispenser at a donut shop in part one, goes to "get some tail" in part two, only to discover that the woman's married to the same black dude & in part three, they go to the home of one of the sober dude's coworkers to get revenge on him for "office pranks," but accidentally go to his coworker's neighbor's house. based on the opening shot of the first part, which is followed by a rewind to the drunk guy calling his friend, they're eventually going to get burritos.

playground politics - kids on the playground act out america's world politics. america's played by a big kid who gives africa kit kats in exchange for its natural resources, gives north korea money if they give up their fireworks & asks mexico to "get your drug dealers to calm down & stop killing each other but keep the coke coming." there's even a quick one where america walks up to a girl playing canada & asks her "what're you doing?" her response..."pretty much what you're doing, just girlier."

sleeping with celebrities - these sketches open up with sexy, e! entertainment type music & graphics, but they're nothing sexy. they just feature night vision footage of celebrities (wayne newton, brooke shields, keith david & will forte) sleeping.

the slovin & allen show - another series of sketches, some funny & some not. in the most recent episode, they weave together a dude being chased by musicians playing spooky chase music, a japanese siskel & ebert, three ads by dudes running for consumer advocate in NH (one of which features a sketch about penis enlargement fraud) & a suicide tape.

casual sex: a pregnant's woman's search for the ultimate threesome - a woman who's eight months pregnant decides she has one month to do all the crazy things she's never had the chance to do, including having random sex. unfortunately, getting somebody to sleep with her isn't as easy as she thinks it'll be. we've seen two parts so far & chris parnell is awesome creepy in the second one.

space baby - from the opening titles: "all we know about space baby is that she's from earth & she travels the galaxies searching for a one-eyed man with a briefcase handcuffed to his arm & as she travels from planet to planet, she rights wrongs & helps the oppressed." nuff said.

overall it's a pretty funny show & even when the sketches are lame/unwatchable (like the one in episode six entitled "one thousand cats"), ed haligan mirrors the viewer's sympathies with lines like "well, it's over & i can't tell you how sorry i am that you had to watch that. what the fuck is this company doing?" before storming off screen. anyway, it's definitely some of the most original, dirty comedy on tv. check it out, yo.

snack: cheetos ragin cajun & tangy ranch mighty zingers
drink: he'brew bittersweet lenny's r.i.p.a.

in honor of the lecherous funny that is funny or die presents, i decided to put together a comedy-themed snack-drink combo. for my snack, i got a bag of cheetos ragin cajun & tangy ranch mighty zingers. get it? zingers? y'know? like jokes? anyway, that's not really what they mean by "zingers," but for the purposes of my theme, i'm going to run with it. they're one of cheetos' two new editions to their line of cheese puffs (along with a sharp cheddar & salsa picante flavor) & according to the packaging, they're kind of like an abusive partner you just can't leave, as "the bold ragin' cajun smacks you in the face while the tangy ranch soothes your palate." awesome. also, from what i've seen in the commericals, they're sort of like the smoke monster from LOST.

the bag asks that you "don't call them small" because "these tiny cheetos are mighty in taste." um. ok. they're smaller than your average cheeto, which i guess makes them a counterpoint to their giant puffs. it's not that much of an interesting selling point though, because when it boils down to it, you're just getting ones that are the same size as the dregs you usually find on the bottom of a bag of regular cheetos. sure you get the occasional manatee/penis-shaped one and that's cool & all, but other than that...meh.

flavorwise, they're better than regular cheetos, but the "mighty zingers" name might be taking it a bit far. the "ragin cajun" ones didn't smack me in the face or anything, but they do have a tasty, spicy cajun flavor, like a tamer version of flaming hot cheetos. the "tangy ranch" ones essentially taste like cool ranch doritos...nothing mighty about that, really. they have that whole spicy/mild thing going on, so they complement each other pretty well. unless you're the OCD type who separates them out before eating, that's pretty key. regardless, they don't really live up to their name.

i paired the "mighty" zingers with a bottle of he'brew bittersweet lenny's r.i.p.a., a beer created by the schmaltz brewing co in honor of the late, totally dirty comedian lenny bruce. funny or die wouldn't even exist if not for the type of comedy performed by bruce, who was arrested a number of times on obscenity charges (including one time here in nyc back in april of '64). the label on the bottle has a long, rambling explanation written by jeremy cowan (the CEO of schmaltz) as to why the beer is "radical" & therefore similar to bruce, but it's part crazy sounding & part hard to follow. i get it though. lenny bruce was an unconventional comedian. the bittersweet lenny's r.i.p.a. is an unconventional beer.

why's it unconventional? i guess because it's a rye double i.p.a. brewed with "an obscene amount of malts & hops," so it's an EXTREMELY hoppy tasting beer. it's not like it's so overpowering that it's undrinkable or anything, but you can definitely taste the hops. it's worth trying, especially if you're like me & cool with a ton of hops. it's a copper-colored beer with a nice, citrus flavor & smell and a somewhat creamy feel to it. when poured into a glass it produces a fairly decent amount of head. if i was lenny bruce, i'd make a dirty joke about just how much head you get with the beer, but i'm not him, so i'll just leave it up to your imagination.