#149 – only in dreams

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Entries in cheese puffs (4)

Monday
26Oct2009

nosh nook #161 - monday, october 26, 2009

wise hopes rock dudes will top cheesy cheetah (link)
10.25.09 - brandweek - by brian morrissey

hey totally radical dudes & dudettes! shawn here rapping at ya with a few tips that'll help make you the coolest guy or gal in school.

tip #1: get a skateboard. i was recently rapping with a few local teens about what drug-free things they like to do in their spare time & "skateboard with my buddies" was by far the top answer (even among the girls! LOL). from this, i deduce that it's a popular teen hobby, so save up the money from your paper route & get a skateboard. just make sure to wear a helmet when you're ollying!

tip #2: get the jonas brothers' latest album (if you don't have it already). they're the most popular band in the world right now. if you're a girl, other girls with think you're cool & want to talk to you. if you're a guy, girls will think you're cool & want to talk to you, although your conversation will likely be about the jonas brothers, so you should probably pick a favorite jo bro. i recommend joe. he's dreamy.

tip #3: get yourself some cheese puffs. cheese puffs are the pinnacle of cool snacking. chester cheetah, that totally cool, totally extreme cheetos mascot with the surfboard & snazzy sunglasses loves cheese puffs. if you want to be as tubular as him, you don't necessarily have to get cheetos. cheese doodles are cool too. according to brandweek, cheese doodles recently unveiled "a digital campaign to support 'cheez dudes,' a trio of rock-band mascots introduced in august as the faces of the cheez doodles snack brand." since they're in a band, you know they're cool. in turn, that makes cheese doodles cool.

tip #4: get money. money equals cool & the cheez dudes can help you solve your teen money troubles. as brandweek notes, on the cheetos website the cheez dudes are featured in a "augmented-reality game called 'rock the cheez' that invites players to create their own rock video by arranging printouts in front of their computer’s web cam." if your rock video is cool enough, you can win $1000! just imagine all the pimple cream & pokemon cards you can buy with that!

if you follow those four tips, i guarantee that you'll be the coolest guy or gal at your school this year hands down. if you follow the last two, the cheez dudes, wise snacks & the folks in marketing will be very grateful.

Wednesday
03Jun2009

#96 - badly breaking.

back in march, as part of tv month, i sat down to take in the season two premiere of amc's breaking bad, starring bryan cranston as walt, a chemistry teacher turned meth dealer via the discovery of lung cancer. after an amazing season one, it had firmly cemented itself as a show which, if not my favorite show, was definitely in my top five. this past sunday night, after twelve episodes filled with insanity & surprises & continued exploration into walt's psyche, they finally brought season two to a close.

i'd been looking forward to the season finale for a while. they opened the season with a vague scene in walt's backyard, with shots of a charred pink teddy bear floating in the pool & sirens in the background. with each episode, they've revealed more & more about this vague scene & every week since, i've been striking up conversations about the show with friends & co-workers, none of who actually follow the show. i've chatted up my roommate about it. he watched the entire first season with me, so he at least had a frame of reference, but hadn't seen very much of the second season. on one hand, these conversations were me being a nerdy fan boy trying to spread the love, but on the other hand, it was me working out what i'd seen, as i tried to fit it into the larger story of a man who gets cancer, the actions he takes because of it & the impact they have on those around him.

as we entered the final episode, all the craziness of the meth-dealing & cooking has seemed to subside & walt's life actually seems to be developing some semblance of stability for once. to me, it looked like they were setting up a card house of calm (wasn't this a peter gabriel album title?) that they could then brilliantly knock down in the last episode, as they revealed what's up with that vague first scene of the season.

i'm assuming that a lot of people haven't seen this show & i'm hoping that everyone in the world eventually will, so i won't divulge what we now know (or don't know) about the mystery scene. i will say that this though: by the time the final credits came on screen, i was experiencing some serious tv blue balls. it wasn't as anticlimactic as the sopranos' series finale, but it definitely left me feeling empty. i've since thought about it more & have started to come to terms with it, establishing that based on what we now know about the mystery scene, walt's actions are--both directly & indirectly--having much wider-sweeping consequences than he can even fathom.

i can live with that, but for now, the show's on break. sigh. there's already a third season in the works, but that's not happening until next year, when we'll already be a few months into the time that i've already started referring to as the "post-35th birthday" era. double sigh. luckily, season five of weeds starts up next monday, so i can continue to get my weekly fix of average american family folk fumbling their way through the drug trade, while i supplement that with a weekly dose of mary-louise parker (mmm). on a related note, ms. parker turns 45 in august, giving hope to the idea that there's hotness post age 35.

#96 - badly breaking.
snack: 7 select scorchin' hot crunchy curls
drink: harpoon leviathan big bohemian pilsner



as i took in the finale, i dug into a bag of 7 select scorchin' hot crunchy curls, which i'd purchased a few days earlier at my local port authority area 7-11. they're only $1.99 for an 8.5 oz bag, which compared to many bags of chips, is a helluva deal. the bag even feels heavier. i guess that's gravity for ya. since i was busy watching the show, i didn't stop long enough to notice if there were any jesus-shaped cheese curls in the bag, but i did come across a few shaped like penises. they're pretty damn good for something made by 7-11 and as such, i found myself popping them into my mouth one after another...but not without serious consequences. these mofos are without a doubt WICKED SCORCHIN' HOT.

other than listing "spice extract" in the ingredients, the bag doesn't really go into how they make them so damn hot. the flavor & aftertaste both reminded me of buffalo sauce, but that could have just been a result of color & mouth-burn association. the crunch was so satisfyingly burning that i couldn't stop the rapid consumption. i mean, i wasn't sweating or anything, but at one point i seriously considered fixing myself a bowl of blue cheese to dip them in.

instead, i decided to try putting out the cheese curl fire with a beer--a harpoon leviathan big bohemian pilsner. it's part of their limited edition "leviathan" series, a line of beers designed to offer harpoon drinkers a greater flavor experience, something that is greatly needed when it comes to harpoon. today, i was chatting with a co-worker who'd visited the harpoon brewery up in boston this past weekend & eventually, our conversation led to "actually, harpoon's not really that great of a beer." for me, harpoon has always been a respectable beer (along with sam adams) that i drank a ton of when i was in college in boston, just discovering microbrews. beyond that, i don't usually search it out, really only drinking it if it's the best choice available.

the leviathan series is a different story. although it's a pilsner, which is typically extremely light on flavor, the big bohemian pilsner has a nice, rich hoppy flavor to it. as far as counteracting the effects of the cheese curls goes, it didn't help very much, but it was still enjoyable.  unlike with a harpoon i.p.a., the big bohemian is the sort of beer i'd actually choose over others.  that's something i haven't been able to say about a harpoon since back when i was college...over ten years ago.  sigh.

Monday
18May2009

nosh nook #46 - monday, may 18, 2009

dallas couple finds jesus inside cheese snack (link)
05.16.09 - dallas/forth worth news 11 - by beth wagner

the best thing about finding jesus is that he's so omnipresent & everyone's done such a bang up job spreading his word that you can find him pretty much anywhere. these days, you don't even have to be in a church to find him. he's on t-shirts. he's on tv. as a dallas-area couple discovered, he's even in your afternoon snacks, just waiting for you to eat him. it's like the body of christ you get during mass but cheesier & less like styrofoam.

when the texas couple found a cheeto shaped like jesus, dallas reporter beth wagner just had to find out more about this miraculous discovery. as her hard-hitting journalism explains, one day, on the way out of town, dan bell went to the gas station & picked up a bag of cheetos. in his munching, he came across a particular cheeto that was shaped like jesus & decided to keep it, even naming it "cheesus." a word of advice to my friends & family--if i ever start collecting & naming my snacks (before later trying to sell them on ebay), please contact a doctor on my behalf.

my favorite part about wagner's story is where she speaks to the ubiquitousness of cheeto jesus--"various incarnations of cheesus have shown up before; in houston, missouri, and on the internet site youtube."  no way!  on the internet site youtube?!!!  i mean, houston & missouri make sense, maybe even a conan or ellen appearance, but i didn't think that cheesus would ever go on youtube!  that means they've really hit the big time!  congratulations internet website http backslash www youtube.com!  a word of advice to you regarding your new found fame...don't start worshipping the cheesus, because you'd totally be breaking a commandment if you did...number one, i believe.

Wednesday
01Apr2009

nosh nook #13 - wednesday, april 1, 2009

cheetos goes big time with nationwide launch of giant cheetos snacks (link)
03.31.09 - via pr newswire

chester cheetah is quite possibly the hippest of all cartoon snack mascots. i mean, he doesn't smoke (on camera) like joe camel used to, but he has big sunglasses & a serious swagger & an insatiable hunger for cheetos brand cheese snacks. that's pretty cool in itself. plus, he's now the world's most recognizable cheetah & can do zero to sixty in under three seconds...it's just in the cheetah genetics. he's basically a comical celebrity porsche with fur.

this just in...hot off the pr newswire...chester cheetah now has big balls (of cheese) to munch on too! GIANT CHEETOS! according to the frito-lay created press release, chester himself had a hand in creating the giant cheetos:

"created by chester cheetah and the absurdly creative cheetos development team, giant cheetos provide the great cheesy taste consumers love, but are roughly the size of golf balls and stand as the perfect expression of the brand's playful personality. available nationwide in cheese and flamin' hot flavors, the brand anticipates the over-sized snack sensation to be a two-bite-per-cheesy-ball experience for the average consumer, while recognizing that more-evolved snackers, or 'big mouths,' will be able to enjoy them in a single chomp."

in the release, frito-lay also describes itself as "the most mischevious and playful snack brand." have you ever tried eating a golf ball? i have & it is not easy...but if mischievous ol frito lay is encouraging people to give their cheese snack the ol single chomp (as we big mouths call it), i estimate that the first giant cheetos-related choking death will occur before the year's end. maybe then chester cheetah will finally learn something from his "playful," reckless behavior.

side note: those frito-lay jerks totally have www.snacks.com.