#188 - a bitter american in new york.

here's an often thought that lives in my head: "i friggin hate people." they just make me so steamin' sparkin' mad sometimes! y'know where people really suck?...like where they LOVE to congregate? the subway system. that's where. i know. everybody's got their special "the subway sucks" bitch stories. between work & play, i ride the subway at least twenty times every week, so i've got mine too. my main beef is that some people have ZERO grasp on how to act when in the presence of other human beings. it's about courtesy, people. last thursday, i totally threw a bitter shoulder into this one guy who tried to rush past me onto the train as i was exiting it. as i walked across the platform to catch the express train, i looked back to see him giving me the evil eye from inside his departing local train.

it reminded me of my first true bitter subway incident, one i had in boston back in the late 90's when i threw a shoulder into some stupid b.u. girl who couldn't wait for me to get off of the packed B-line train before she crammed her blonde, entitled, freshman ass in. as she stumbled backwards, she was all, "heeeey!" anyway, that chick SUCKED, but she's not alone in her suckiness. i've lost count of how many times i've been run over by the chinese women in my hood who scurry for a seat the moment the train doors open. i just don't understand why people can't grasp the concept of letting folks off first before rushing onto the train. if anything, letting people off will clear room for their impatient asses.

i had another subway incident late last year when i was waiting for a train about two, maybe three feet from the edge of the platform. as the train pulled into the station, some huge italian brooklyn dude stepped right in front of me & stood there with the back of his smelly black leather jacket inches from my face, all so he could get on the train first. when he got on, he frantically searched for a seat & when he didn't find one, he decided to lean his back against one of the poles in the car, like that pole was all his. i wouldn't have minded except for the fact that i was already holding onto it. i pushed at his back to try to free my hand & he turned around & said, "did you just push me? don't fucking push me." my response: "i was just trying to free my hand." then he proceeded to repeat his mantra a few times before leaning back on the pole. i relinquished the pole & moved aside to quietly stew. a few minutes passed & he turned to me & apologized. then he tried to give me a jesus pamphlet. with the word "hypocrite" ready to shoot forth from my mouth, i politely declined.

with so many no-mannered people like this in my midst, i've stopped being surprised at how obliviously self-absorbed a lot of americans are. with each incident, i grow more & more bitter at my fellow human being & on a larger scale, it really makes me question our future as a nation. if we have this many screamin' yahoos roaming our nation's subway systems, how are we supposed to defeat communist china's swift oppression progression? on a related note, the beijing subway has already got us beat in annual ridership. don't get me wrong. i'm certain that china has its fair share of stupid people riding their subway systems but from where i'm sitting (or standing holding onto a disease-ridden subway car pole), a lot of you nyc subway riders get the gasface. i'm fully aware that anger isn't healthy. at this rate, i'd probably be a pretty shitty buddhist, but i just can't help myself. it's like rosie perez said over & over again as if her career depended on it..."you so stup-eed!" c'mon america, get it together.

snack: boulder canyon red wine vinegar chips
drink: 21st amendment bitter american

y'know what i could really go for right about now? some sort of metaphorical, reusable boulder that i could use to squash dead the idiots & dolts & blockheads & nitwits & scattered, varied ignoramus of this "great" nation. to my knowledge, no such boulder is available on the open market, but i am hungry, so i'm going to settle for a bag of boulder canyon red wine vinegar chips, which at least come from boulder. they're the brand-spankin' newest flavor from colorado's boulder canyon foods, who've been crafting flavorful, all-natural potato chips since way back in 1994, when clinton was in office & flannel RULED & i wasn't so durned bitter at 75% of you.

if you're a fan of vinegar chips & don't for some fascist reason hate kettle style chips, you should already be sold on these. no need to waste your precious time reading my ramblings. go out & buy a bag post haste. for those of you who aren't exactly a fan of salt & vinegar chips, now that we have the salt & vinegar lovers out of the room, we need to talk. seriously? what's wrong with you? how can you not like salt & vinegar chips? you call yourself an american? that aside, these are like a sweet version of salt & vinegar chips, sort of a "sweet & vinegar" if you will. there's both balsamic & regular vinegar in the mix & together the flavor's not as biting as that of salt & vinegar chips. add in a lil' sucrose & some beet powder for coloring & you've got yourself a crunchy, tasty potato chip. full disclosure: like a true american, i almost ate an entire five ounce bag in one sitting.

although my bitterness toward many other americans is not to be overlooked, the true inspiration for today's post was in fact a cold can of 21st amendment bitter american. i was at bierkraft the other day checking out the canned beer selection when i first laid eyes on this astronaut-monkey adorned can, the fifth & newest beer from san fran's 21st amendment brewery, who seem to be giving oskar blues a run for their money as the top canned american beer these days. you can't deny the rockin' awesomeness of their back in black ipa after all. this one, released on the heels of their "early winter" seasonal fireside chat, is their "late winter" brew, a seasonal available from january to march. according to their site, it's their "long-overdue tribute to unsung, unwitting heroes everywhere." von "purple" hayes, i guess that means that this beer's made in honor of folks like you.

it's a light amber beer that only rings in at 4.4% ABV, a pale ale that they classify as an "american session ale." while it's light in color & alcohol, it's far from being a light beer. they use a healthy, hearty blend of hops & malts when brewing it & the flavors it gives off are both sweet & nutty. there's some bitterness to it but i thought that overall, it went down rather smoothly. in fact, i'd recommend it to both those who prefer hoppy beers & those who don't, as it's got something for the both of you. if nothing, i'm sure both camps could agree that a beer with an astronaut monkey on the can is worth giving a shot & in the end, isn't the acceptance of astronaut monkey beer what makes this country so great in the first place?