nosh nook #170 - friday, november 6, 2009

liz hurley's guilt-free beef jerky (link)
11.6.09 - the guardian - by marina hyde

liz hurley...liz hurley. which one is she again? oh yeah. i remember now. british actress. she was hugh grant's girlfriend when he got caught with a prostitute back in 95. the one who's graced us with her acting skillz in two austin powers films & well, nothing else really. in fact, she hasn't acted in a film since 2006. instead, she's been spending her time posing for magazines & prepping for this month's launch of elizabeth hurley food, a company that grew out of the fact that she has a 400 ACRE FARM in the english countryside. she used to just use it "as her weekend home, somewhere (she) could escape to when she needed to get out of the city." must be nice. over time she decided to turn it into a farm & elizabeth hurley food was born.

the first products they're rolling out are a line of guilt-free snacks, led by a totally guilt-free beef jerky. like, if you have no real reason for being famous other than being hot & british, you don't have to feel guilty about it. as the guardian's marina hyde notes on her "lost in showbiz" blog, it's "the most ludicrous celebrity product of all time." i couldn't agree more. hurley's a ridiculously ludicrous celebrity. it's even more ludicrous that she now has a "naturally low calorie beef jerky" with her name on it.

hyde explains that the beef jerky goes on sale this week, featuring packaging with "a drawing of elizabeth lying on the ground in a black cocktail dress, kicking her bright-pink wellington boots coquettishly." since i couldn't say it better myself, i'd like to leave you with ms hyde's final thoughts on elizabeth hurley's beef jerky. "the product is billed as 'a guilt-free snack'...and yet, is it? is it really? is there not something about being the type of person who would spent £1.95 on a small dried meat snack purveyed by the star of passenger 57 that would engender the most debilitating feelings of shame and bad conscience in anyone?"

nosh nook #158 - wednesday, october 21, 2009

britney spears ditches junk food (link)
10.20.09 - metro

hey, did you know that britney spears is still relevant? apparently she is because she's been all over the gossip columns the past few days. unfortunately for her, it's because of the media's infatuation with her weight & not because of her music. i guess the upside is that this time it's because she's looking all skinny hot & not because she's put on a few pounds...& she's not shaving her head or going batshit crazy these days, so i guess that's good too.

the metro is just one of the many news outlets who decided to pick up a story about how britney's been down in mexico rocking the bikini bod. her secret? a change in diet. britney used to enjoy "feasting on fried chicken, mashed potato and frappuccinos but has now found a taste for low calorie fish." that's right, folks. britney has fallen in love with sushi & the results are apparently outstanding. according to the stylist from her latest music video, a song about threesomes, she was energetic & "even sang live with the words." good for her.

here's what i don't get though. she's been a mega-star for how long & she's just now discovering sushi? it's not as bad as madonna never trying pizza, but it's pretty surprising nonetheless. i guess she didn't have many opportunities to eat sushi growing up in louisiana, but doesn't she live in l.a. now? there are approximately one bazillion sushi joints there. hasn't she hung out with jeremy pivens at least once? oh well. at least she has control of her junk food habit. that's more than she can say for her "music."

#107 - celebrity wheel of death.

wow. what a week (or so) it's been! it's like stevie wonder sang to us in "we are the world"--there are people dying. stevie may be blind, but he can see the truth. every day, all over the world, people are dying, some young, some old, some expected, some not, some peaceful, some violent, some messy, some not. last week was no exception. people were up & dying pretty much round the clock BUT the shocking thing about it...a handful of these people were of the celebrity variety. starting on the 23rd, the four most talked about ones were ed mcmahon, farrah, mj & billy mays, but there were some other notable deaths:

- on the 24th, in iowa, high school football coach ed thomas was shot & killed by a former player who's alleged to have a meth problem.
- on the same day, former canadian governor general romeo leblanc, a man who apparently avoided the media to the point of being unknown, passed after living with alzheimer's.
- on the 25th, sky saxon--of the seeds, a 60's l.a. garage rock band--died at age whatever...he believed age was irrelevant.
- this tuesday, in iraq, we made some seriously symbolic history, as we pulled all american troops from its cities...& then four soldiers were killed & thirty-three iraqis were killed in a bombing.

so here's the thing about all the celebrity deaths & by "all the celebrity deaths," i mean michael jackson's death...shit, man. i work in the music industry & tend to be on facebook a bunch as part of the job, so in this web 2.0 universe, here's who broke the michael jackson story to me...former co-worker & indaba music superstar nate lew...on my facebook wall no less. twenty years from now, i'll be able to have this exact conversation with my TBD teenage shawn spawn:

spawn: dad, do you remember where you were when you heard michael jackson died?
me: yes, son...and i was on facebook at the time.
spawn: facebook? what's that? some kind of drug?
me: yes, son. yes it was.

in the past ten years (or so), the last week in june has been an unfortunate week for celebrities, both known & unknown. in '07, that ol' "in threes" thing happened as in one week, we lost the amazingly-mustachioed relief pitcher rod beck, designer liz claiborne & film critic joel seigel. in '03 the same thing happened, as buddy hackett, katherine hepburn & (barf) strom thurmond died during the last week in june. back in '99, at the end of the month, the non-webster george papadopoulos--the former greek dictator who took over in a '67 military coup--died. he's the guy whose takeover of the government eventually led to a student uprising that eventually led to twenty-four deaths & a bloody end to that uprising on november 17th, eventually leading to the creation of a greek terrorist group named after that day & eventually, one year later to the day, i was born.

#107 - celebrity wheel of death.
snack: terra exotic harvest sea salt chips
drink: tropicana pure premium calcium + vitamin d orange juice



during the week, my snacking constant was a bag of terra exotic harvest sea salt chips i'd picked up at my fave neighborhood bodega. i spied them on the fancy chip rack & was all "these things look crazy! they have kabocha chips! i don't even know what a kabocha is!" now i know...it's a japanese pumpkin, which, to answer your question, can be made into a jack-o-lantern. anyway, i was blinded by the sheer craziness of these chips & not paying attention when i brought the bag to the counter. the dude looked at the bag & asked one of the other guys working there, "these are really $5.99?" i was all "wiggidy wah?!!" the mofos cost six bones! regardless, i had no choice but to get them. i had already fallen in love.

lucky for me, they were definitely worth it.  we're looking at chips made up of a combo of carrots, blue potatoes & the aforementioned kabochas.  the carrot chips are very similar in both texture & taste to a sweet potato chip, which contrasts nicely with the crunchiness & saltiness of the blue potato chips. as for the kabocha, it's definitely interesting. some of them are smooth & good but on the brink of rubbery, but some of them had ridges, which made them a bit more appealing...& when it comes down to it, each individual chip was like eating a nickel!

since i'm trying to phase out soda and/or HFCS, i picked up a two quart thing of tropicana pure premium calcium + vitamin d orange juice as well & that thing lasted me til around the day the billy died. me buying it is sort of like a coincidental tribute to billy, as both he & tropicana are from the sunshine state & both whole-heartedly embrace the orange.  by almost always drinking the OJ instead of soda all week, i got all sorts of vitamins & fortified calcium & whatnot instead of government-subsidized, lab-manufactured ingredients acutely focused into a beverage. tropicana is a pepsi co. though, so i'm not entirely guilt free when it comes to the OJ.  speaking of OJ, the murders happened in june, but that was early in the month & entirely guilt free.

...so that's one of my goals for the summer--to drink more juice & less soda, more natural stuff & less junkity junk. i figure it'll aid in slowing down my own inevitable demise.  anyway, we'll see how well that plan's worked out come the end of the summer...btw, contrary to what you may have read on your favorite social networking platform, jeff goldblum, natalie portman, the san diego chicken & tony danza are still alive. o death!

#61 - you so famous!

my first ever face-to-face meeting with a celebrity was in the early eighties, outside fenway park after a baltimore orioles-boston red sox game, when my father & i ran into hall-of-fame orioles pitcher jim palmer. my dad told me who he was & asked me if i'd like an autograph, but i declined, since i didn't want the autograph of the guy in the underwear ads.

for a long while after that the closest i think i came to celebrity was that one of my fraternity brothers is scarlett johansson's brother...but she was like 12 & in manny & lo at the time we were in college, so yeah...oh & also one night a friend & i followed fishbone into a party at tufts & drank their bottles of guinness.

...but ever since i moved to nyc back in 2001, i've had the opportunity to pseudo-brush elbows with a few celebrities here & there in my doings and through it, have developed a sense of celebrity that i assume is different than, say, some dude who has never left windham, nh and only sees celebrities on tv or in the national enquirer or on the internet, naked or non.

i've been in social situations with rob corddry (formerly of the daily show & currently of the hilarious wb online-only series, children's hospital) on two non-consecutive occasions. once was at iona, a bar in williamsburg. i approached him & asked "you know jon stewart, right?" he responded, "you could say that"...and we went on our ways. we also crossed paths at a shins concert at bowery ballroom, where he stood in front of me & between songs, enthusiastically screamed "play your good song!"

other than that, i've had a few other celebrity run-ins. i've been on a flight with corin tucker (of sleater kinney), been at parties & bars with heather graham (who is WAY too skinny) & tracy morgan (on a couch with some ninny), and met the dudes from ac/dc (something that rhymes with "inny"). turns out they all seem like normal enough people...go figure.

which leads me to the topic of michael phelps & the infamous doobie-smoking picture of him. i've been at parties where there have been people who are in bands or films or tv series & never have i once thought to myself "oh my god, i totally need to get a photo of that person doing something that will be construed as awful & will publicly humiliate them & cost them a lucrative sponsorship deal!" that is a sign of somebody who is obviously an ass with no sense of consequences exposing someone who assumes what he's doing, at that point, at a party among "friends," has no consequences. i guess that doesn't matter to kellogg's either way.

#61 - you so famous!
snack: ocean spray cranberry & chocolate craisins trail mix
drink: nestea pomegranate & passion fruit red tea

the kellogg company, out of battle creek, michigan, is the world's largest producer of cereal & had $12.8 billion in revenue in 2008. beyond that, i'll just say that seth meyers covered their actions in response to the photos of michael phelps hitting the bong pretty well. in the end, they're bigger than michael phelps (he's only worth $10 million at the most) & can toss him aside in favor of a cartoon jungle cat any day of the week.

only 1/12th as big as kellogg's & 100 times bigger than michael phelps is ocean spray, an agricultural co-op based out of massachusetts. they're the owners of the largest cranberry-processing facility in the world. both the co-op & the massachusetts thing automatically score points with me & they've also turned down a buyout offer from pepsico, which is rad. even they've had their own problems in the past though. i guess nobody's perfect.

right michael phelps? nobody's perfect? hey michael phelps, i bet you'd love this ocean spray cranberry & chocolate craisins trail mix that i'm eating right now. nuts & berries are good (craisins!), but the chocolate chips make it even gooder if you know what i mean, michael phelps. wink wink. mmm. i bet you could eat like 50 bags of these when you're "training."

since i'm in a reducing-soda intake phase right now, i'm having a bottle of nestea pomegranate & passion fruit red tea with the trail mix. nestea is a part of the coca-cola company, who, by comparison, makes anything evil that kellogg or ocean spray might do look like a girl scout selling you a box of samoas. the label on the bottle tries hard to be hip though. i have to give them that. you've gotta be hip when you're dealing with pomegranates. with phrases like "pure liquid awesomeness" and "(c)an it help you wrestle a wildebeest?" it's a pretty extreme label, just like the pomegranate, the current biggest blinged-out celebrity in the fruit kingdom. long live the pomegranate.