snack away! #4 - all the dick in d.c...

throughout high school and college, i worked at a supermarket in nh as a stock clerk so i certainly know my way around the aisles. i knew where everything in grocery was; i probably still do for my high school store. stuffing? aisle 2: veg. kleenex? aisle 14: bulk paper. beef bullion? aisle 3: spag. hell, i even knew the tricky stuff. capers? nice try. aisle 8: glass. i was also familiar with the really weird things that people rarely bought and i'd only stock a case of once a year... potted meat product, nutella, mrs. dash? who buys this crap? (ed note: hell yeah, nutella!)

a few weeks back it was under somewhat peckish circumstances that i found myself behind the cart at my local fashionable-sweatpants-yuppie-supermarket in suburban washington d.c. i had picked up my normal assorted veggies and meats and breads and was banking a hard right into aisle 5: ethnic/imported foods...might as well grab some kind of funky sauce to douse the chicken with one evening. while i examined a jar of curry to make sure it would make me sorry i bought it the next day, a can i hadn't stumbled on before caught my eye.


spotted dick indeed. if you're going to stump me on a grocery item, it better be ethnic and it better be something i'd never eat. bonus points if there is an intercontinental sexual slang innuendo. after some examination and research, it is apparently some sort of british canned pudding priced at a decidedly ambitious $5.99 per can. american. now mind you, i wouldn't characterize myself as a fan of dick by american definition, so it never crossed my mind that i might buy this version, but two weeks and one guest blog invitation later, here i am in the kitchen with a can opener ready to crack open this little tin of love from the venerable heinz corporation. somehow i don't think this qualifies as one of the 57 original heinz varieties.

snack away! #4 - all the dick in d.c...
guest blogger: todd martin, washington, d.c.

snack: heinz spotted dick sponge pudding
drink: twinings english breakfast tea

so it's about 4:00 and i'm thinking a british snack would hit the spot, so i'm breaking out the heinz spotted dick sponge pudding. the directions instruct me to open the top of the can, run a knife around the perimeter, turn upside down, and open the other side to push the product out. i would soon find that the last two steps are not necessary as a brick of dick immediately smashed onto my counter as soon as i turned the can over. not encouraging.

it smells decent enough - more like a canned cake-like confection with raisins as opposed to a pudding. bill cosby would seemingly not approve. i did not realize there was cooking involved and am ill-prepared for this event. according to the directions, i now have the option to steam or microwave this thing. in the interest of time, i go with the latter and also toss in a mug of water with the hope that the spotted dick aroma doesn't turn it into something almost, but not quite, entirely unlike tea. i'm not exactly sure what made me go all cheeky with the beverage as well, but what the heck.


hey, you know what? not bad! it's cakey and warm and wholesome. really sweet. i would guess the spices include molasses and cinnamon, maybe even pumpkin. i never thought i would like it at first glance but it just goes to show you never judge a dick by its cans. the twinings english breakfast tea complimented it well, perhaps a bit over-steeped but good nonetheless. i have some dick saved for the girlfriend on thursday and you might even find this on my grocery list in the near future.

todd martin is a struggling architectural designer in washington d.c. you should totally have him redo your kitchen.