#61 - you so famous!

my first ever face-to-face meeting with a celebrity was in the early eighties, outside fenway park after a baltimore orioles-boston red sox game, when my father & i ran into hall-of-fame orioles pitcher jim palmer. my dad told me who he was & asked me if i'd like an autograph, but i declined, since i didn't want the autograph of the guy in the underwear ads.

for a long while after that the closest i think i came to celebrity was that one of my fraternity brothers is scarlett johansson's brother...but she was like 12 & in manny & lo at the time we were in college, so yeah...oh & also one night a friend & i followed fishbone into a party at tufts & drank their bottles of guinness.

...but ever since i moved to nyc back in 2001, i've had the opportunity to pseudo-brush elbows with a few celebrities here & there in my doings and through it, have developed a sense of celebrity that i assume is different than, say, some dude who has never left windham, nh and only sees celebrities on tv or in the national enquirer or on the internet, naked or non.

i've been in social situations with rob corddry (formerly of the daily show & currently of the hilarious wb online-only series, children's hospital) on two non-consecutive occasions. once was at iona, a bar in williamsburg. i approached him & asked "you know jon stewart, right?" he responded, "you could say that"...and we went on our ways. we also crossed paths at a shins concert at bowery ballroom, where he stood in front of me & between songs, enthusiastically screamed "play your good song!"

other than that, i've had a few other celebrity run-ins. i've been on a flight with corin tucker (of sleater kinney), been at parties & bars with heather graham (who is WAY too skinny) & tracy morgan (on a couch with some ninny), and met the dudes from ac/dc (something that rhymes with "inny"). turns out they all seem like normal enough people...go figure.

which leads me to the topic of michael phelps & the infamous doobie-smoking picture of him. i've been at parties where there have been people who are in bands or films or tv series & never have i once thought to myself "oh my god, i totally need to get a photo of that person doing something that will be construed as awful & will publicly humiliate them & cost them a lucrative sponsorship deal!" that is a sign of somebody who is obviously an ass with no sense of consequences exposing someone who assumes what he's doing, at that point, at a party among "friends," has no consequences. i guess that doesn't matter to kellogg's either way.

#61 - you so famous!
snack: ocean spray cranberry & chocolate craisins trail mix
drink: nestea pomegranate & passion fruit red tea

the kellogg company, out of battle creek, michigan, is the world's largest producer of cereal & had $12.8 billion in revenue in 2008. beyond that, i'll just say that seth meyers covered their actions in response to the photos of michael phelps hitting the bong pretty well. in the end, they're bigger than michael phelps (he's only worth $10 million at the most) & can toss him aside in favor of a cartoon jungle cat any day of the week.

only 1/12th as big as kellogg's & 100 times bigger than michael phelps is ocean spray, an agricultural co-op based out of massachusetts. they're the owners of the largest cranberry-processing facility in the world. both the co-op & the massachusetts thing automatically score points with me & they've also turned down a buyout offer from pepsico, which is rad. even they've had their own problems in the past though. i guess nobody's perfect.

right michael phelps? nobody's perfect? hey michael phelps, i bet you'd love this ocean spray cranberry & chocolate craisins trail mix that i'm eating right now. nuts & berries are good (craisins!), but the chocolate chips make it even gooder if you know what i mean, michael phelps. wink wink. mmm. i bet you could eat like 50 bags of these when you're "training."

since i'm in a reducing-soda intake phase right now, i'm having a bottle of nestea pomegranate & passion fruit red tea with the trail mix. nestea is a part of the coca-cola company, who, by comparison, makes anything evil that kellogg or ocean spray might do look like a girl scout selling you a box of samoas. the label on the bottle tries hard to be hip though. i have to give them that. you've gotta be hip when you're dealing with pomegranates. with phrases like "pure liquid awesomeness" and "(c)an it help you wrestle a wildebeest?" it's a pretty extreme label, just like the pomegranate, the current biggest blinged-out celebrity in the fruit kingdom. long live the pomegranate.

#59 - the beautiful people.

a glimpse into the life of some people who are totally beautiful (on the outside, of course/at least):

rod blagojevich - so the former governor of illinois was on letterman tuesday night. that man's swooping helmet bangs are sooooooo astounding & slightly unreal & toupeeish. at one point in the interview, letterman asked him, "do you use shampoo & conditioner?" i think the answer is obvious. daily, his hair is bathed in milk & vegetable extracts & crushed olives or something before being hand-picked by a female gorilla. he's been all "i'm innocent. i'm innocent. i'm innocent" lately. i'd swear that he & roger clemens have the same pr firm, but i can't seem to find his name on the hendricks sports' management's web site...i did, however, come across this report they did that analyzes the greatness of roger clemens' career...at rogerclemensreport.com. beautiful. i was going to write something funny about the report, but that'd mean i'd have to read it first. so anyway, blago, with his beauty hair, it sucks that he's lost the governorship & i get that he wants to clear his name & not have his kids hate him (i've seen the first season of damages), but that man needs to give it a rest prontolike.

rose byrne - speaking of damages, i mean wow. rose byrne is BEAUTIFUL. AUSTRALIAN BEAUTIFUL. i've already hollywood-crush fallen for robin tunney & thora birch & zooey deschanel (& now that i think about it, alexis bledel on some level) & i put them all in the same genus amazicus black-haired ladius as ms byrne, so it only makes sense that she's my current hollywood crush. it helps that her character on damages is all smart & take-charge & sexy & damaged but trying to hide it at the same time...i'm pretty sure these traits make up my perfect female.

the people on beautifulpeople.net - obviously, if you're a beautiful person looking to meet other beautiful people so that you can breed & create your wholly-attractive master race, you should visit the official social networking site of beautiful people. judging by the photos on the site, beautiful people are pretty much white (or asian females), so keep that in mind when you decide to submit your photo to the beautiful people community & have them vote on whether or not you are beautiful enough to become a member...it also helps if you own a tanning salon and/or are unclear on the whereabouts of your shirt. fyi, the site's only supported in internet explorer (obviously), so we now know what browser the beautiful people prefer.

#59 - the beautiful people.
snack: dark chocolate chex mix
drink: archer farms beauty fortified pear lychee water beverage

so as i noted previously, moms always used to treat us to awesome chocolate homemade chex mix, so i love the fact that chex has started making their own mixes (both sweet & salty) and bagging them up (although i suppose they effectively muscled out my mom, which sucks). i'm pretty sure the dark chocolate chex mix is my favorite thus far. it's got m&m-like thingies and chocolate cookies & chocolate-covered pretzels & both white and dark chocolate chex. with a lineup like that, the chex themselves definitely aren't the first thing i reach for in the bag, but even they're good. this particular chex mix has "50% less fat than regular potato chips," which is definitely helpful if i want to be beautiful...& i obviously do.

in case the chex mix doesn't make me beautiful, i'm also drinking archer farms beauty fortified pear lychee water beverage. on the label, there's a mention of "beauty coming from within." i'm not sure why they're even going there since as we all know, the only important beauty in life is the outer beauty. inner beauty is fine for helping out the non outer-beautiful people, but ultimately outer beauty trumps that. i feel beautiful already. after drinking this beverage (& afterwards sufficiently brushing my teeth), i can tell you that this beauty-fortified drink is super sweet...& i don't mean that in a cool, napoleon dynamite slang sort of way, either. fist-bump beautiful people! you saw that movie! you have the vote for pedro shirt!...that is, you did before you puked on it down the shore.

good day. stay beautiful.

#17 - head.

on wednesday, i made my way up to the boston area on the megabus with ryall to meet up with m.j. & my bro for the radiohead concert at the venue formerly formerly known as great woods. my trip began in the prospect ave stop on the r train, where after a few minutes, the train entered the station. as i waited for the train to stop & the doors to open, i looked at the torn advertisement behind me, which had the following message scrawled across the bottom of it:

i snapped a quick pic & got on the train. it's safe to say that as the lead singer of belle & sebastian (the band that acted as the jumping-off point for pretty much everything i've listened to since 2001), i'm not sure if i could ever let go of stuart murdoch, no matter how twee he is. regardless of this person's personal struggle with stuart murdoch, musically speaking, i took my random path-crossing with this particular message to be a positive start to radiohead day. usually the subway ads feature no more than crudely drawn penises on them.

the megabus busride was fine overall, other than the non-functioning wifi. the southwest airlines-influenced bus driver even quipped, "there's wifi on board. sometimes it works." they played two dvds during the five-hour drive--benji: off the leash! & shark bait (the reef), which is a budget attempt to cash in on the success of finding nemo. it appears that somebody else has the upper hand in the wifi-inclusive bus service market at this point, megabus...or should i say, megabutt?

radiohead was friggin' amazing, as was expected. as i have probably expressed to everyone & their mother at this point, i can not believe how lovely & clean they sound in a big open amphitheatre. i was in the absolute back of the lawn & it still sounded wondrous. my personal fave...jigsaw falling into place. my personal victory...we were the very last people they sold beer to in our section. they literally gave us our beers & shut the gates to the stand, making lots of people behind us quite sad.

#17 - head.

snack: flaming hot flavored munchies
drink: pomegranate blueberry mash

after the concert, an hour or so in the parking lot & an hour or so drive back to my brother's place in j.p., we went to pretty much the only thing open in the neighborhood after 1pm...7-11, where i, of course, spent in the area of $10 on snacks alone. clearly a smart allocation of my funds.

for this particular night, i decided i needed to eat from a bag of flaming hot flavored munchies. it was after 1pm. i had just been at 7-11. munchies were clearly the right snack for that moment. each munchies flavor features rold gold pretzels, sun chips, cheetos & doritos, with the last three ingredients changing depending on the overall snack mix flavor. you would be correct in assuming that this particular flavor features the flaming hot versions of the sun chips, cheetos & doritos. as my brother informed me, they used to have a kids' version with doritos, cheetos, popcorn, m&ms and captain crunch. if you ask me, that is one hell of a snack & should probably only be available for adults due to its high awesomeness content.

...& seriously, people. pomegranate is not going to save civilization. it is just a fruit. i defer to bevnet for or a link for the pomegranate blueberry mash, as boylan bottling apparently doesn't care enough about this product to have a web page for it. in fact, they care so little about this product that they appear to have even spelled "pomegranate" incorrectly on the label..."pommegranate" ain't correct, mr & mrs boylan. look it up.

#11 - corn nuts & the american dream.

in the world o' shawn, mondays have recently become a night for watching my picture stories, both those that i follow & a few that i'm checking out/catching up on. last week marked the beginning of generation kill & the fifth episode of weeds.

this week, i upped the ante by continuing with those two shows & adding in the first episode of mad men, which until fresh air shoved it in my face over the past couple weeks, i had no idea existed. i mean, it is sort of like somebody telling you about this unicorn they saw...a good tv show airing on & produced by amc. american movie classics? that amc? 13 emmy nominations? the 2nd season starts next sunday? huh...guess i better get caught up.

anyhow, come september, generation kill will be long done, weeds will be nearing the end of its season & we'll have the new season premieres of dexter and it's always sunny in philadelphia, who fx has just ordered 39 more episodes of the show from, meaning with the new season, there will be at least 52 more episodes of this lovely show, all with the same five key cast members!!! OMG!!! by my calculation, i will be nearing the tail end of my 30s by the time that this show goes off the air. LOL!!! :-/ :( :'(

i mention all these shows (& tonight's lineup of shows in particular) because they are my type of shows for one reason, really. each, to some degree, focuses on some version/aspect of the american dream. it's the same reason i was drawn in the past to shows such as six feet under, the sopranos, the office, golden girls, etc...& for viewing these shows, really, what goes better with the american dream than...

#11 - corn nuts & the american dream.

snack: corn nuts caliente mix
drink: mountain dew

have you ever tried corn nuts? i think i might have once or twice in my life, but they've always seemed a bit weird & possibly bland to me.

apparently, they have been around since friggin' 1936, which i'm pretty sure makes them an official american tradition. today the company is owned by planters/kraft, which means that corn nuts are now a subsidiary of a subsidiary (planters) of a subsidiary (kraft) of a subsidiary (altria/philip morris). that, in itself, sounds like the american dream to me...& i purchased them at a 7-11! that's like double corporate jeopardy or something.

the caliente mix features seasoned peanuts, crunchy corn snack (the nuts!), spicy sesame sticks, corn sticks & red chile crescents. red! chile! crescents! that is a band name if i've ever seen one. it works on so many levels! but seriously, tossing corn nuts in a snack mix where they can sort of just fade to the back of the mix totally cures that blandness problem i was having with them.

i figured that there was no better drink to pair the corn nuts mix with than a mountain dew, pepsico's fruity #2 beverage. i figure as far as american dreams go mountain dew is right there with them all the items on tonight's menu...

altria/philip morris made $38.5 billion in revenue in 2007
pepsico brought in $39.4 billion in 2007
the american military spent $439.3 billion in 2007
the california marijuana business takes in about $2 billion per year
it is estimated that in the u.s., advertising & marketing is a $381 billion dollar industry

billions of dollars...that's the american dream right there, folks.

#4 - drizzle fo shizzle.

i've been going through a bit of withdrawal lately, as, after almost a decade where tv shows were only a skew part of my life, i've recently fallen back in love with tv somewhat & run through the full offerings of the sopranos, the wire, lost, the 4400, dexter & weeds. with no episodes left of any of those shows, i reached out for mission hill over the past weeks, but it just didn't fill the void.

luckily, monday night was the season premiere of weeds. the season premiere of weeds seemed like it was somewhat of a snacking holiday by nature & as such, a few of us gathered at a friend's house, where we settled down around a table of snacks & watched the season premiere of weeds & the series premiere of secret diary of a call girl. boy does that show love sex. anyhow, on the table was a spread of super pretzels, nachos/cheese/salsa, bagel bites, market pantry (target) fruit snacks &...

#4 - drizzle fo shizzle.
snack: archer farms (target) chocolate drizzle indulgent snack mix
drink: harpoon summer beer

growing up, moms used to make large tupperwares full of homemade chex mix, way before chex mix had become just another of the seven million general mills products. the top level of her chex mix recipes was the chocolaty tasty one, with powdered sugar sprinkled on to boot, a pleasant change from the worcestershire sauce-laden version.

the archer farms brand chocolate drizzle indulgent snack mix comes close to mom's chocolate chex mix recipe, but with one slight addition to the recipe, an addition boldly mentioned on the front of the packaging..."& a kick of cayenne pepper." result = mmm.

harpoon, harpoon, harpoon...your summer beer is nothing special. overall, other than the harpoonfest, i'm not really sure why i thought your beers were so awesome at one point. yes, if given the choice between one of your beers & a bud light, i would choose you, but you don't really seem to be going out of your way to impress me. don't make me start talking about sam adams, a beer which i have a long-standing & currently smooth relationship with.