let it snow? f that.

in my wise 446 months of existence, i've lived a solid eight of them outside of the northeast region. as a result, i've seen my fair share of snow...& i sort of hate it. yes, i'm from nh but i don't know how to ski or snowboard or iceskate. i've never seen a yeti. my family at no point owned a snowmobile, but i did ride on one once. while i definitely loved playing in the snow as a kid (see: blizzard of '78), i'm over it now. i guess i should just shut my face & move somewhere without snow but, the way i figure it, with the whole global warming thing it's probably better just to wait it out. eventually, the earth'll be too hot for it to snow on the east coast anyhow.

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#56 - stay positive.

so as i sort of mentioned previously, here's the thing that happens during the winter...it gets cold & i tend to stay indoors more than a good lil nun & i end up feelin' more sad & illin' in the winter than in any other month & the crazy uncertainty of the economy doesn't help stem that stuff...but last week, we swore in a new optimistic president, one who was elected behind the message of hope/change (& a national grassroots machine as well-oiled as the 2007 new england patriots). bring it on, obama. ASAP.

let's take a quick look at today's layoff figures, according to an article from today's ny times:

united states
caterpillar - 20,000 jobs
sprint nextel - 8,000 jobs
home depot - 7,000 jobs
pfizer/wyeth - 8,000 jobs
general motors - 2,000 jobs

worldwide
ing - 7,000 jobs
phillips - 6,000 jobs
corus - 3,500 jobs

TOTAL = 61,500 jobs

that is a lot of jobs. the article goes on to mention that we've lost 2.59 million jobs since december of 2007. that is A LOT of jobs. that's like the entire population of vermont, alaska & the dakotas. but like the hold steady advise, i will try to stay positive. but how can i stay positive when iceland's government is collapsing, hold steady?!!! how?!!! how can i stay positive when everybody is batshit freaking out & running around with scissors in their hands slashing jobs & dumping stocks & shuttering operations?!!! at this rate, six months from now, i won't even be able to afford all these exclamation points!!!

a gmail chat with a friend earlier today:
michael: wheee! the 'conomy!
me: it's like plinko!

can't we just toss bernie madoff & a couple random banking execs & a few virgins into the fiery economy pit to appease the gods & bring this all to a swift end?

i hope that in 2009, people will CHILL THE F OUT ON THE ECONOMY. obama has it all figured out, obviously, people. relax.

i hope that in 2009, i will be able to land a job digging a ditch...& when i am done with that job, i will fill that ditch back up with dirt.

i hope that in 2009, i will not have to blog about "bread."

#56 - stay positive.

snack: tyrrell's beef & horseradish potato chips
drink: a&w root beer float

a few weeks back, i picked up a bag of these tyrrell's beef & horseradish potato chips, made by a british company. they're an "artisan delicacy" made with lady rosetta potatoes thank you very much. there's a cow on the front of the bag. it says his name is "sir walter tyrrell." he looks pretty happy as he sits lazily in the fields. i can only assume that since the company gave him a name & put him on the bag, that he's been spared the fate of dying to provide the natural beef flavouring that flavours these deliciously beefy chips. oh! on the back here, it says he lives with "his 40 lady friends!" what a stud. i guess none of them go into the chips...or do they? ooh! they could offer special "sir walter tyrrell" bags maybe? i'd pay twice the $5 i paid for this bag to know there was a little bit of their mascot in every bite. til then, stay positive, british mascot cow!

seriously, go to the a&w float website, especially if you have a slow internet connection. what you will see is written here, in white, so you can highlight the following text & read it & spoil the awesomeness if you want, or you can go to the website & see a bottle of a&w float violently jerking itself around in circles while the page loads! hilariously awesomely nauseous web graphics!

web graphics won't save this beverage though. when poured into a glass, it looks quite similar to another familiar beverage...

...and that is where the similarities end. every time i raise the glass to my nose it just, it just smells like a putrid caramel. i think that's the best way to describe it. it's tremendously sweet (63g sugar!) & syrupy & i suppose it's similar to if you made a root beer float & then forgot about it on the counter & went out to the picture shows & then came back later that night & then you were all "crap, my root beer float!" & through your tears, you tried to stay positive, panting & crying "it's still ok! it's still ok!" as you hastily carried the melted remains to the fridge, where you left them overnight & then drank them up cold the next morning.

it's sort of like that, but with better packaging, packaging that claims that the beverage is "rich, creamy, and so delicious you won't believe it comes in a bottle." you're right, a&w. i can't believe this comes in a bottle. shame on you.

EDIT: also thousands of layoffs at ibm & texas instruments. wait...texas instruments still exists?

#51 - ice ice baby.

oh, winter! you are much crueller than anything april has ever thrown at me. it is an indisputable fact that i hate the cold weather & side effects of it that accompany you. runny noses? hate em. damp feet? hate em. watery eyeballs? hate em. having to wear lots of clothes? i'm no nudist & like pants as much as the next guy but...hate it. at times, i'm definitely one of those people who get some form of winter depression.

i grew up in new hampshire & no, i don't ski or snowboard or ice skate or snowmobile or toboggan. don't even own a pair of snowshoes, if you can believe that. my winter sport is often hibernating & being warm & putting on an extra layer of fat for the winter & watching lots of movies/tv shows. watched myself towelhead a few days back & really liked it. the lead, summer bishil, is a pretty hot 20-year old in real life, but in the movie, she does a 90210 & plays a 13-year old, which is decidedly unhot. thus far, there is nothing that alan ball, who directed the film, has done that is bad...writer of american beauty, creator of six feet under & true blood & director of towelhead. the last decade, dude's batting 1.000...a regular john paciorek.

...so it was saturday night & i was watching the arizona cardinals-atlanta falcons game & during commercial, i was trying to come up with a title for this blog entry. i was thinking of going with "baby it's cold outside" or "winter wonderbland" or something abstract like "32° F." as my mind eventually drifted to "ice ice baby," the game returned from commercial & did so with a short segment about atlanta falcons quarterback matt ryan, whose nickname is apparently "matty ice." the song that was playing in the background during the segment..."ice ice baby." therefore, my badass psychic coincidence has dubbed this post...

#51 - ice ice baby.

snack: pringles loaded baked potato crisps
drink: great divide brewing co. hibernation ale

i've tried pretty much every pringle there is, but i can't remember trying the baked potato flavor until this weekend. saturday afternoon, when i was out & about gathering essential foods & beers & doing adult errands all at once so that i wouldn't have to go outside in the cold again, i stopped by the rite aid to procure q-tips & figured that i'd give the snack aisle a browse. there were some rite aid bargains going on & a number of shelves were picked clean. all pringle flavors were on sale for 99¢, but it appeared that they were possibly on sale because somebody had crushed a box of them, perhaps under a pachyderm or submarine or such. the one remaining can of pringles loaded baked potato crisps appeared to be uncrushed, however, so i made them mine.

they're pretty run of the mill as far as pringles go...definitely no screamin' dill pickle. the website claims they're supposed to taste like "cool sour cream," "crispy bacon" and "gooey cheese." i guess they're sort of like a loaded baked potato. that baked potato has so much money! that baked potato has ulterior motives! that baked potato is wasted! be careful with that baked potato! it's loaded!

in honor of the impending future months, i'm having my baked potato flavor with a bottle of great divide brewing co. hibernation ale. it's an english style old ale...tasty enough. i guess it's supposed to keep you warm during the winter months. apparently it's won a bunch of awards & accolades. a suggested pairing (from the label): aged, hard dutch cow's milk cheese. i guess pringles are sort of like that.