snackdown! - 7.11.11

happy 7/11 everyone! if you haven't visited your local 7-eleven today & picked up your government-mandated complimentary 7.11 oz slurpee, i honestly don't know what the hell you're doing sitting here reading my blog. you could have FREE ice & syrup coursing through your veins RIGHT NOW! if you've already gone & got your slurpee, congratulations on doing your duty as an american citizen. also, here's an eat!drink!snack! bonus tip: there's no free slurpee tracking system in place at 7-eleven, so if you don't care about honesty, you could get multiple free slurpees at multiple 7-eleven locations.

a second eat!drink!snack! bonus tip: if you're a breeder in need of respite, get each of your tiny breedlings a slurpee post haste...the earlier the better. once your spawn comes down from his and/or her sugar high, it's early bedtime for them & more free time for you...unless you ALSO get a slurpee, in which case there's a chance that you might pass out early too. anyway, good luck today, never forget & here's some stuff that happened in the world of edibles & drinkables this week...

• are you the type of person who is ardently against eating things that are deemed questionable by the arkansas department of health? good for you. it's important that you trust what the state government tells you. if your stance on such products has prevented you from consuming the melatonion-laced treat known as "lazy cakes" up to this point, the times they are a changin' for you. the snack is back on shelves in arkansas with a brand-new, toned-down, arkansas-department-of-health-approved formula & new packaging with a warning. there's less melatonin in the cakes, so you'll still pass out, but not as fast as you would have previously. also, because it obviously matters, they're now called "lazy larrys." (times record)


• as evidenced by those commercials that ran a few years back for philly tourism that featured a guy in a sorta-new york accent who was all "philadelphia...it's like a baby new york," it's a scientific fact that philadelphia wants to be new york city. this past saturday, philadelphia embraced a tradition started here in nyc when they held their first ever "vendy awards," honoring the top street food in the *snicker* "city of brotherly love." the event is put on by the same folks who do the vendys here in nyc, so it's no bootleg thing. i guess that's good. eight vendors went to saturday's finals & of them, the winner was gigi and big R caribbean/american soul food, a well, um...caribbean/american soul food truck run by a guy from haiti & a guy from philly who serve food at the drexel campus. congrats on your little contest, philly! (philadelphia enquirer)


• food markets are sort of a big thing here in nyc, especially during the summer. recently, the state department of agriculture invoked an outdated ordinance & told folks selling cheese at nyc markets that they weren't allowed to cut the cheese for customers on site. they'd have to pre-wrap blocks of their cheese in plastic, a practice that can mess with the flavor of it. this past week, the state finally decided to ignore the part of the regulation that requires a "permanent building with a three-compartment sink" if you want to cut cheese & sell it. as a result, things are now back to normal & cheese vendors at city markets can once again cut as much cheese as they like. way to adapt to our SUPER fast moving food economy, nyc. (wall street journal)


• are you distraught because, as individual food items, pretzels & hot dogs have become so boring that you don't even bother to eat them any more? stop fucking freaking out. it's going to be ok. super pretzel® has you covered, as they've taken these two boring treats & combined them into one mighty snack. that's right...super pretzel® soft pretzel dogs are now a reality! they're available in three flavors--original, jalapeno & cheese, and cheddar cheese--which is cool because it means you'll have three options, hopefully lengthening the amount of time before you get bored with the concept of a pretzel dog. (grocery.com)


• these days, it's tough being a minor league baseball player who hasn't signed a huge contract. just ask members of the pawtucket red sox, boston's top-level minor league affiliate. for many of them, they don't make all that much money & when they're constantly on the road with the only choices for dinner being mcdonald's or taco bell, it can be tough to eat healthy. luckily, they have team nutritionist tara mardigan. she helps players answer important questions like "should i get a salad or a hamburger at mcdonald's?" or "should i eat a whole pizza by myself?" with her help, maybe they will one day make it to the majors, where they will find themselves eating jumbo shrimp right off the backs of high-priced call girls. (the providence journal)