the musical fruit: movement #15.

the musical fruit: movement #15.
song: "date with IKEA," pavement
fruit: dates

the indie rock world sure has had their fair share of respectable reunions over the past decade. with the pixies & my bloody valentine & the jesus lizard & slint & mission of burma & polvo reunions out of the way, indie rock scientists turned their attention to one of the most hoped for ones over the past few years--pavement--who dissolved back in '99 after years of rocky relations between band members. last week, the indie rock nerds got their wish, as pavement announced that they'd be playing a gig in central park an entire year from now. that show sold out in two minutes & they ended up announcing three more shows, two of which have already sold out. in their time together, they put out five full-lengths & for the most part they were all damn solid, although i prefer the first three over the last two. i want to be excited about the reunion, but have been so indifferent to lead singer steve malkmus' solo albums that i suppose it sort of brought my love of pavement down a notch. i'm working on that.

their fourth album, brighten the corners, is probably my least favorite of theirs (wowee zowee's #1), but "date with IKEA" (the fourth song off of it) is up there as one of my favorite pavement songs. it was one of two songs on the album that were written by guitarist scott kannberg, the only two on the album not written by malkmus. it's a quick two-and-a-half minute rocker with slightly nonsensical lyrics & a nice quick solo, all attributes that make me love their first three albums so much. i guess other people felt the same love for the song because when matador records re-released brighten the corners at the end of last year as brighten the corners: nicene creedence edition, they ran a contest where one lucky fan won a $500 shopping spree at the red hook IKEA with pavement's jack-of-all-trades bob nastanovich. the girl who won won because all she had was a suitcase & an air mattress. i guess she deserved it.

i've got a date with dates tonight. in fact, i've been having a lot of dates with the dates recently. sure, i bring along cracker & apple & sweet sweet goat cheese most of the time, but the important thing is that we've been spending a lot of time together these days. i even spent some time this afternoon all alone with dates, just the two of us at my desk working hard at making sugary sweet tweens happy through the magic of sugary sweet pop. these particular dates came from brooklyn's terrafina foods. ever since i first picked some up early last month (btw, i still haven't got a human date from that post, ladies) along with goat cheese & crackers, they've become a fixture in my kitchen. it blows my mind that they're a fruit but they're so darn sugary. i LOVE sugar.

as far as dates go, i LOVE them, but i don't LOVE THEM LOVE them. a man can't live on sugar alone. i mean, we have some really great times together & i don't want to sound like i can't be a monogamist or something, but things are better when it's me, dates & some goat cheese. i have trouble being exclusive with dates. i love them & all, but they're just better when i spread cheese on them. there. i said it. i like my dates more if they have goat cheese on them. it's public record now & they're just going to have to accept the fact that they have to work together with goat cheese for my pleasure...& why shouldn't they? just look at how well it worked out for french fry & ranch dressing.

#116 - i dare you to date me.

ladies! let's you & i have a chat. dudes! lean back & pay attention. this is about ladies first & whatnot. maybe you could learn something. so ladies, who wants to enter into some sort of mate/partner in crime/random sex partner/ridiculous conversationalist arrangement? btw, sorry to exclaim at you like that at the opening. it's just that i'm a bit short & sometimes have trouble attracting attention, so i figured i'd give a "!" a shot. i'm actually fairly mild mannered, but have my moments if i don't feel weird around you. anyway, enough about me...let's hear about you, specifically what i'd like you to be like.

you: 5'6" or under, in possession of cool hair on top, flat shoes on bottom, random stories in your brain & a sense of nerd cool on your lips. you can pick a good beer & a good wine & a solid five-song string of jukebox awesomeness. you know why dan savage is just as cool as fred savage & why michael savage is ruining the good savage name. you'll remember that my favorite stuffed gorilla for much of childhood was named george, but he wasn't curious. when i've told you a story about that before, you'll have maybe listened the first time & will recognize which parts of my story have changed, but keep them to yourself & wonder what else i'm making up, because you're SUPER DEVIOUS...& you're so cute when you're being devious.

& you're so pretty when you're faithful to me, so since i'm a serial monogamist, if i'm paying attention to you, that's because you're pretty friggin awesome, so i'm only paying attention to you...something to keep in mind. why are you awesome? well, you're fine with the fact that you've hit 30, because you've got tons of time & you know so because you totally know stuff about genetics...although the future of social security sort of worries you. plus, you're cute, so f "age ruins cute." attitude helps. i seem to get along best with L.W.A. (ladies with attitude), so i might as well keep that streak alive until i get stabbed or something. heat of passion! bring on the attitude ladies. also, your making out & hand-holding skillz must be up to snuff. gross skinniness discouraged. food appreciation a must. wordperfect a plus. apply within. new yorkers preferred. those from other locales with ready access to travel also accepted. EOE.

me: 5'6" or under, mid-30s but looking (mostly) mid-20s. cougar bait. from NH with stints in boston. been in brooklyn since five months before 9-11, which, as the bumper sticker says, i will never forget. thought i was going to be a baseball player & then an architect & then a filmmaker & then around music. currently on the last one, but thinking of going into sexy international corporate espionage. ooh! you must be good at spying, but not on me, ladies. i want a house, a pet could be interesting, a kid might be cool. since we're both super smart, that kid'll have a good chance of curing or running something. before that happens though, i like traveling, but don't do it enough. you probably should want to escape to places as well. we'd go on adventures! i'm comfortable doing stuff by myself, but it'd be cooler with you, madame.

my favorite author is reinaldo arenas, although it's been a while since i've read him, so all his books have blended into one mess in my head. i haven't read a full book in almost two years probably. it's sort of a shame, but i watch & listen instead to get the stimuli. often, when we're out in large groups of people or even when we're alone, i'll be all quiet. it's all good. no need to freak, although since i'm asking for some attitude, i won't fault you for it entirely if you do. i just like watching people interact. i promise it's not creepy. not to get ahead of myself here, but if we hit it off & can manage to hold it together for a good enough period of time, i've always wanted a home sort of like my parents' place, 45 minutes from a major city, but with a ton of trees all over the place, something preferably with a cute downtown. date me! i dare you! you could also tell your friends or your sister or your sister's friends. i dare them too.

#116 - i dare you to date me.
snack: chevre du miel (goat's cheese), pitted dates & dare cracked pepper water crackers
drink: two brothers domaine dupage french style country ale



when we're having a night where we hate people (but are cool with each other, of course) we will sit in your/my apartment (yours if you have cable) & snack on chevre du miel (goat's cheese), pitted dates & dare cracked pepper water crackers. i'm doing it tonight whilst tangentially watching mister lonely, but it's just not the same without you here. you could be my missus lonely! oh! btw, i have netflix again. we could watch movies & break out some soft belgian goat cheese & slice off a piece for you & a piece for me & then we'd sit there with a knife each, watching breaking bad & doing crosswords & spreading cheese onto dates & dare all natural cracked pepper water crackers. it will be the classiest thing we'll do all week other than your friend's art opening, but i refuse to think of reading from the bible whilst naked as art, so that doesn't count.

you'll really like the goat cheese. you'll have to or i'll ask you to leave. it's got hints of honey mixed with products from the teat of a goat (chevre for the classy lassies) & like i mentioned, it comes from the same country as the guy who created the smurfs. you'll find that fact HILARIOUS. you might even have a coincidental t-shirt on hand that takes it to the next level. oh how we'll laugh about your t-shirt. we'll also dare each other to eat the crackers, but that'll end quickly when one of us takes the dare & soon after takes a header off a chair. then we'll laugh...limp & laugh.

we'll drink some beer along with it & it'll be two brothers domaine dupage french style country ale, since that's what i randomly drank a few nights ago & then blogged about today. it'll be how we first started dating, so it'll be memorable to the max, but in french. it'll be like a john cusack film, but with less big hair & more big boombox. you'll call me out on the fact that the beer's not really french. you'll mention that it's from warrenville, IL, in west chicago right near the fermi national accelerator lab. you'll explain to me what the fermi national accelerator lab is. i'll remember "protons." we'll laugh & both wonder where the cat is for a brief moment. then we'll laugh some more.

we'll finish our beers whilst washing down the cheesy date dares & you'll give the two brothers french style country ale a 7.3, but i'll give it a 7.7 just to feel like i'm in charge. we might as well make out by this point, because we're getting along pretty well & you're obviously everything that i'm looking for in a prospective mate/partner in crime/random sex partner/ridiculous conversationalist. do you feel the same?

if yes, let's definitely make out.
if maybe, we should probably make out to break the tie.
if no, we should probably make out anyhow.

who knows? what if one of us gets smooshed by a truck tomorrow & we never get to find out? seriously though, don't get smooshed by a truck tomorrow. you'd be dead & i'd be scarred for life through coincidence & nobody wants that...not even glenn beck. you think he's an ass too? we should definitely date.